In the Details
First published September 7, 2016
After years of being out of school, I find myself heading back again this time as a student of life and experience. A few years ago I stumbled into a career I would have never chosen. Actually it was more like I tripped and fell flat on my face into it. I became angry with God for what seemed to be a waste of my time. And when I first told people I was a meeting planner, they would scrunch up their faces and tilt their heads to one side. That’s a job?
It is a job – a very difficult, sometimes exciting, often exhausting job. And now that I’m three years in, I am eligible to become a Certified Meeting Planner, which is basically recognition for the skills I’ve been putting into place every day for the last 36 months. It may also open doors to better opportunities in the field. What began looking like time wasted is suddenly looking like time invested. Funny how that happens.
I have my books, joined a study group, and hope to test by the end of the year. I don’t think most people have any idea what goes into planning a meeting for hundreds of people that lasts four consecutive days, and I don’t think I fully recognized it until I cracked open my books. There are 10 different domains, each with its own subset of skills for a total of 30 different areas that go into managing an event.
For example, did you know there is a name for someone who lingers in the common areas of an event space for the purpose of soliciting? Up until recently, I didn’t either. But I do know how many gallons of coffee to order so there is enough for everyone, but I’m not wasting money. I know how to write an RFP so I get the best and most accurate proposals from potential sites. I know how to create a budget and work within it. I’ve taught myself about contract language so I know exactly what we’re getting into when I sign my name on that line – and where I can push a little harder to get a better deal.
This job is definitely in the details. And the whole time they are meeting, the attendees go about their day completely oblivious to everything that went on behind the scenes to make each puzzle piece fit together. When I do my job well, they don’t need to think about it, and most of the time, they don’t even see me.
God is the same way. So why do we stress about the little things?
Ironically enough, the document I carry with me to each event is lovingly titled, “Event Bible”. That’s because those 15 or more pages contain the specifics of each hour of the event: how many chairs we need at 9:00 am, what time the keynote speaker gets picked up at the airport, what snack is being served in the afternoon, and when the entertainment arrives. Every microphone, musician, and martini is accounted for in that document.
But there are still things I miss. I’m only human. Someone’s name is spelled wrong on their badge or I miscounted the place settings. The key is to not take it seriously and know how to think on your feet when problems arise, because they will always pop up.
The beautiful thing about the details of my life is that God never misses any of them. No part of what I walk through gets overlooked. Whether it looks good or it looks bad, He is always behind the scenes making sure the pieces fit. I can’t see him, and I don’t need to worry about it because that’s His job.
He reminded me of this the other day as I was letting my mind drift to the “what if’s”. What if this doesn’t work out, or what if that doesn’t happen when I think it should. Unlike a meeting planner (or me) who may forget something, God never forgets. My name is etched on his palm, and it’s spelled correctly. There is always a place setting for me at His table.
Matthew 6:26 says consider the birds of the air. They don’t sow or reap and God still feeds them. Aren’t we more valuable than them? Matthew 10:30 tells us even the hairs on our heads are numbered. That’s attention to detail. That’s something that on their best day, no meeting planner would know (nor would they want to know!).
But while job duty calls us meeting planners to be concerned with details, it’s the unfailing love of God that invokes the response He has toward us to not miss a thing- to know every detail of our lives and make it all work for our good.
I think about those pages of my “bible” and everything I keep track of, and that’s just for four days. God tracks with us each hour for our whole lives. I’m grateful to have Him as my planner, behind the scenes, and with me every step of the way.
What is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? – Psalm 8:4
Just Say No
First published April 2, 2016
“Well I think you should do it like this, because then it will look like that and everyone will love it.”
“I think I’m going to stick with the way I originally planned it because that’s how I told them it would be and I’ve already made all the arrangements for it. But thanks for the idea.”
Whoosh.
Did you hear that? That’s the sound the word ‘no’ makes. That’s the sound of extra work you don’t need being wiped off your desk. It’s the sound of built up resentment from saying yes to something you don’t want passing you by.
There is power in saying ‘no’.
For a long time, I couldn’t say it. I feared upsetting coworkers. I thought it made me seem like I’m not a team player. Mostly, I just feared the fallout. It was easier to go with the flow. Saying ‘no’ would mean rocking the boat, and I didn’t want to deal with what came next – being challenged.
The truth is, while those are rational concerns, none of them result in a happier work environment, or a more productive me.
I’m not talking about a co-worker who occasionally offers a suggestion here or there in an effort to help you shine brighter, or assist in a better outcome for the team or company. If you are saying ‘no’ to this person all the time, maybe it’s time to take a step back and consider if a team environment is really right for you.
No, I’m talking about the controlling colleague who tells you how you should do *everything* differently. The one who wants the credit for the job you were hired to do. This is the co-worker who steps in when your plans are near completion and wants them all to look how he or she envisions, completely disregarding what you’ve accomplished up to that point. Did I mention it’s your job?
When you don’t want to seem argumentative, saying ‘no’ can be a totally foreign concept, but here are a few tips I have put into practice:
Listen to the whole proposition. Even if you think it’s crazy. Even if you know half way through it makes no sense, hear the person out. Some people need a captive audience, and when you take the time to genuinely listen to what they have to say, it sets the stage for peaceful communication.
Frame your response carefully. ‘No’ is a small, but powerful word that has the ability to sound like a slamming door in your face. It’s how you wrap it that matters. Frame your ‘no’ with all the positive reasons you are doing this particular task in the awesome way you are. The more reasons you can think of, the better.
End with gratitude. It could be the dumbest idea you’ve ever heard of. It could mean throwing away everything you spent months working on, and starting from scratch. It might cost more money and have a less fruitful outcome. You’re probably not going to be grateful for the idea. That’s ok. Say thank you anyway. Ending your nicely wrapped ‘no’ graciously is like the bow on a present. It just gives it a little something extra. No matter how annoying the person is, or how controlling they act, saying thank you will make them feel like they matter. It also helps diffuse any anger on their part at not having their idea come to life. A ‘thank you’ goes a long way.
Using ‘no’ in the work place, with all the politics, and office dynamics, and outrageous personalities can definitely take some time and practice to master. But remember, with every ‘no’ you are saying ‘yes’ to something else – yes to less work, yes to less stress, yes to seeing your ideas through. Think of it as the present you give yourself, because after all, you were hired to do this job. You are strong and capable. And there is power in your ‘no’.
Lean In Part 2
First published September 25, 2015
If it matters to you, it matters to God. And when it comes to God, sometimes not doing is the best thing we can do.
I'm a little emotional as I write this because it deals with feelings that have recently hit close to home: how frustrating it feels when I can't fix something myself, and how scared I feel when I have to put something in someone else's hands.
In my last post, I talked about the importance of learning to lean in to situations at work, or even entire jobs, that are uncomfortable or undesirable - how when we do this, no part of whatever we are experiencing will be wasted. It may even be preparing us for something better in the future.
It should come as no surprise that when I love what I'm doing, and I'm doing good work, I seriously lean in - almost to the point of toppling over. What I mean is that it's not a stretch for me to suggest getting great at a job you're not thrilled with because whether things are good or bad, I'm a bit of a workaholic.
Work is my thing.
The problem comes when I start believing that it's my work alone that can change my circumstances. For the last few years, I've tried tirelessly to alter a course I'm on, and every time I get close enough to touch it, I wake up still in the same lane.
The truth is I can learn all I am able to about a job and do difficult things with a smile. I can be the best example of a dedicated employee and leave things better than I found them. I can lean in as close as I can get, but underneath it there is still hurt, confusion, and sometimes bitterness about the wrong turn that led me here in the first place. The only thing that will change the heart of the matter - change the heart in me - is prayer.
Prayer is leaning in to God.
Prayer is not something that comes easily to a take-charge kind of woman like me. I like my house in order, my finances in order, and especially my career in order. After all, I spend more time at work than anywhere else. I always have a plan and two to back it up. Prayer sometimes feels like I'm sitting on my hands. How can anything change if I'm not doing anything?
Giving my current situation over to prayer at first felt like a forfeiture. The dictionary defines the word as something that is lost or given up as punishment or because of a rule or law. Letting go of my 'right' to fight this on my own really felt like a punishment. I had lost. But there is a difference between forfeiting and surrendering. Surrender is the act of giving control to someone else and allowing yourself to be influenced by that person.
Surrender is agreeing to stop fighting because you know you will not win.
In all my fighting and striving to make things right, I had to reach a point where it became apparent: I am not going to win this. Not on my own.
God talks a lot about surrender. I am reminded in Matthew 6:26 to look at the birds. They never work or store food, and still God takes care of them. I am certainly more valuable than the birds. Later, Matthew 11:30 tells me that God's yoke is easy and his burden is light. Surrendering to God in prayer means that I experience a sense of peace because now He is doing the work that only He can. The work that I'm not meant to do.
And if that weren't enough, Philippians 4:6 takes all the guesswork out of it: Worry about nothing. Pray about everything.
Everything is a lot. And even work is included.
If it's something you would normally worry about, then it's fair game. Your job, your boss, your promotion, your presentation, your co-workers....I could go on, but the point is that some of these worries will be small and some will be big. Some will be so very big that they keep you awake at night wondering how one paycheck will last until the next one or how you will ever find your way back to work that makes your face light up whenever you talk about it - because it's that good.
When the worry comes in, it's time to lean in.
I just started a new Bible study that was written by Priscilla Shirer who also stars in the movie War Room. The film looks at the life of a family who seems to have it all, but is crumbling underneath. The wife then meets Miss Clara and is encouraged to establish a war room in her home - essentially a place where she can do battle in prayer.
Even though I'm only one session in to the Bible study, I can already tell this book will soon be tattered and the binding broken. Entitled, 'The Armor of God', it looks at the very real enemy of God who would like nothing more than to see me worry about work, and fight to make it right on my own, and hide in my pride so I never ask for help - so I never pray.
Just flipping through it I can see it's going to encourage me to write strategies for my prayers, to post them where I can be reminded of them, and above all, have a quiet space where I can pray them through. This will be where I lean in to God about a crushed career and hopeless hopes, and of course many other things that have nothing to do with work. It will be where I surrender (not forfeit) because I have human limits to what I can accomplish and how far I can go.
But God doesn't.
When I'm at my weakest, He is still strong. And the more I lean in to my prayers, the more I lean in to God, the smaller the circumstances will seem, and the knowledge that He will take care of it all will fill the whole room. Unlike my own energy that drains after a time, and becomes fatigued when I've been spinning my wheels too long, I can lean in to God whenever I want. Over and over. About everything. And unlike my resources, His can never be exhausted.
Lean in by praying - that is your work. Winning the battle is God's.
Lean In
First published September 18, 2015
I was watching an old episode of Scandal the other night. For those not familiar with the show, it's based on the life of a Washington D.C. woman whose ability to solve complex and often illegal problems within and outside the White House has earned her the title of "Fixer". When she is trying to get her clients out of difficult situations or into some better light, one phrase in particular is often on repeat, "We need to change the conversation."
In this episode, the First Lady is running for Senate, but the last city on the campaign trail was where her son had been murdered in front of her not long before. To add insult to injury, the entire speech drafted on her behalf was about her dead son. Her campaign manager (not the "Fixer") pleads with her about how much these votes are needed, and how discussing this very painful topic would make her more relatable to constituents. All the while the First Lady is wringing her hands in the air because she just can't bring herself to go. She asks her campaign manager how she could be expected to deliver this speech and exploit the death of her son. "I don't want you to exploit the situation," her campaign manager responds. "I just want you to lean into it."
Ouch.
When bad, even tragic things happen in our lives, our response is to turn away from what has hurt us. Nothing could be worse than revisiting a person, a situation, or even a memory that caused us pain. We don't want to lean into that; we want to push it away. We want to create a distance between ourselves and what is causing us to hurt or stay in the past. But sometimes I'm learning, the only way to get past something is to go through it because there's no getting around it. It's true in life, and it's true in work.
I found myself in this situation only a couple years ago. I left a decent job for one that held all the promise of professional fulfillment, career advancement, and financial stability. I quickly learned those promises were empty ones, void of any truth or substance to back them up. My daily professional life was a nightmare. Even though it's been a couple years since I left, it's still difficult to describe how I felt and what I went through. And try as I might, there has been no getting around what resulted from my choice to work there. I have to walk through it.
But I don't want to walk blindly, and I certainly don't ever want any season to be wasted. Regardless of what I'm walking through, I want my eyes wide open and I want to be alert to the possibilities around me. I want to make the most out of the situation I'm in. I want to take something that started out as bad, and turn it into something good. No, great!
This is leaning in.
I could easily shuffle through my days as they turn into weeks and years, doing the bare minimum at my current position and focusing my attention elsewhere. But what if I changed the conversation? Instead of seeing my current position as merely a detour or a stepping stone (which it very well may turn out to be), what if I gave it my full attention? What if I go to work everyday with the idea that I can make a difference no matter where I am?
This was difficult for me at first. The job I took when I left the last one was very different from my previous jobs. I couldn't use much of my prior experience, and instead, was thrust into situations where I had to learn new things. Uncomfortable would be an understatement. I carried a lot of bitterness as a result of what my previous company put me through, and I just wanted what was familiar and to do work I already knew I succeeded at.
Slowly, I began to learn my job - really learn it. I learned it (and am still learning) in a way that not only has me feeling comfortable, but feeling like I can take it to another level - offer suggestions for new ideas, overhaul old processes for new ones with better results, and be creative with my tasks.
When discouragement finds its way to my heart, I'm reminded that leaning in was actually God's idea in the first place. Colossians 3:23 says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters." Long before the choices that got me here were made, He knew there would be times when maybe my heart just wouldn't be in something. But that doesn't mean I can't give it my all, because even if I don't receive credit for it, even if no one sees, and even if it feels so far from the work I love doing - He sees and He knows, and I do good work because good is the only thing my work should be. Otherwise, there's no point.
So, if you answer phones all day - answer them with a smile on your face. The person on the other end of the phone will hear it in your voice. Be the friendliest and most helpful you can be. Even if you don't have the answers; go find them. If your job entails ordering food and delivering it, you enjoy that drive and time out of the office. Maybe strike up a conversation with whoever you purchase the food from. If you spend your days in a copy room compiling handouts for a meeting - show your boss how efficient you can be. Finish that copying before it's expected, and while you're at it, leave that copy room cleaner than you found it.
I can encourage you in this because I have been there myself. Through all the mundane and monotonous, there is joy to be found in giving something your best. And who's to say that the work that doesn't make sense to you now isn't preparing you for greater responsibility later? Maybe your sales numbers are too low to bother counting, but maybe you are gaining ground in leading or multitasking or something else that can't be measured on a resume, but is invaluable to an employer.
If you find yourself in a work situation that is less than desirable or not what you thought, don't shy away. Don't keep yourself at a distance from it. Dive in head first. Learn all you can. Get so good at it that you can be proud. Get so close to it that your perspective changes.
Lean all the way in.
I Get To Do This
First published September 7, 2015
Up until a couple months ago, I had two jobs. I worked my 9-5, and then headed off to another office to work some more. My part time job consisted of administrative work for someone who had been my boss a couple jobs ago. A few nights a week I would make the 20 minute commute and take care of whatever she left for me to take care of.
The work was not glamorous. I didn't always feel a sense of accomplishment. I mostly felt exhausted from the 10 hours of work resting on my shoulders. Not wanting to wait that late to eat dinner, I would pack it with me and eat it planted in front of a computer screen.
Sometimes, it felt tiresome and, to be honest, beneath me. I have a college degree. Why am I always working? Why am I doing *this* kind of work? But several months before the job came to an end, I had this thought:
It's not that I "have to" do this, it's that I "get to" do this.
Sure, I had to make another commute while everyone else was going home, but how awesome was it that I could walk into an empty office with no one there to bother me? No, the work was not glamorous, but after a hectic day at job #1, how great was it to have work I didn't really need to think too hard about? Yes, sometimes it meant skipping something else I wanted to do, but it also meant extra money I wasn't making at my full-time job.
For every way that people could describe the situation as negative, I could point to something that made it a wonderful opportunity for me, while it lasted. In this economy, where some people can't even find one job, I was blessed to say I had two.
Whether it's to make ends meet, or because you're saving for something extra special, remember to count it as a blessing, no matter how frustrating it can be at times, because it's an opportunity not everyone gets to take advantage of.
I’m (Not) Sorry
First published September 7, 2015
Women apologize for too many things at work that they have no business being sorry for.
There. I said it. And I'm not sorry.
Do you ever stop to think about the number of times that phrase comes out of your mouth at work? I do. I'm sorry for knocking on the office door, even though it's time for our meeting. I'm sorry for requesting time off, even though I have more than enough time to cover it. I'm sorry for sharing my opinion in a meeting, even though it's *my job* to have an opinion on the topic. I was hired to have an opinion on the topic. I get paid - to have an opinion on the topic, and to bring my expertise and experience in general to wherever I'm working.
And still, we apologize. A lot. If we aren't saying "I'm sorry", we're probably doing something that shows we are, like taking on more work that we can handle so as not to rock the boat.
Why are we sorry? Is it because we have genuinely done something wrong? I'm going to venture it's because, unlike many men, we don't feel empowered enough to be standing where we are and doing what we're doing.
We don't want to be a bother or a burden. We don't want to step up or speak out. For so many years, a woman's place was in the home, and although much has changed over the years, I don't know that we ever really gave ourselves permission to take our places in the work force, if that is where we want to be. I also think this sentiment is not just something we struggle with - it's evident nationwide.
On average, full-time working women earn just 77 cents for every dollar a man earns. So, even if we don't feel the need to apologize for ourselves, the rest of the world does it for us by paying us less to do the same job (and in most instances, probably to do it just as well.)
Being a career-focused woman myself and also a Christ follower, I used to wonder if my apologies, whether in words or actions, were rooted in something bigger - like maybe I wasn't supposed to be reaching for success in my career. That was until I came across something interesting in Proverbs 31. This chapter of the Bible discusses what a Godly woman should be like, describing her as "the wife of noble character". She cooks, she cleans, she makes clothes, she takes care of her husband and her children, and is the epitome of patience and grace.
And then I get to verses 16-18: "She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night."
It seems this Proverbs 31 woman - this wife of noble character - in addition to being a great homemaker, was also quite the little business woman. You go girl!
With everything she accomplished, both at home for her family *and* in her work, I don't read anything about her shrinking back from earning money or making profitable trades. And she certainly wasn't apologizing for being good at all of it.
Being a woman in today's workplace, I always want to walk the fine line between bringing grace and kindness to those around me and being firm and speaking my mind when necessary. Sometimes conversations might be difficult to have. Sometimes, I might have to repeat myself or change the way I'm saying something to get my point across. I also want to keep pursuing areas where I know I succeed and I want to keep doing good work.
It won't always be easy to find my place or make my way, but regardless of the circumstances, I will have worked hard to get where I'm headed in my career. I will have made sacrifices and I will have given my all.
I'm not going to be sorry for that.
The Beautiful Boundary
First published August 28, 2015
It's always just one more. Just one more e-mail. Just one more phone call. Just one more task to cross of the to-do list. As if that list will somehow magically disappear by morning light. I assure you, it won't.
We've all been there - maybe this describes you or someone you work with. I know it used to be me. For some reason I'm not really sure of, enough was never enough. It's as if I had to push myself to the edge - but for what, I'm not really sure.
The truth is, it somehow made me feel good to go until the point of burn out. Doing good work just wasn't enough. But then I almost went through a lay off, and everything changed. I was told I no longer had a job. Three weeks later the contract was renegotiated and I got to keep my job. Despite being able to stay, my mindset shifted tremendously. Suddenly, it didn't seem to matter what I did or how mentally exhausted I made myself to do it. I was just a number. And my whole perspective changed. I'm proud to say in the few years since that happened, I look at things a lot differently.
It's not that I don't value doing good work, it's just that now I put that same high price on myself.
Recently I've been embracing this idea of the beautiful boundary. It's this imaginary line I draw around myself, my time, and my energy. Do you ever notice that everything somehow always manages to come together at the end of a project? It's just a matter of how we arrive when it does. Are we frazzled and not able to enjoy the fruit of our labor because we're so burnt out? Or, do we reach the finish line feeling exhilarated and fully able to relish in our success because we have paced ourselves?
When I remind myself that I am doing everything I need to, I don't have to succumb to the voices in my head that tell me I have to rush, or to the co-workers around me that may be stirring up unsettling energy. With every project and deadline that dots my calendar I make my lists, I follow through, and I recognize there will be bumps along the way or issues that I may not anticipate, but I just keep moving forward.
If an e-mail comes through after a certain point in the day, I will write back the next day. If the phone rings before I leave the house in the morning, that's too bad because that's my time. If a text lights up my phone Sunday morning while I'm in church, it will go unanswered.
And I feel amazing.
Not only do I feel like I am more efficient (because I am), but I'm also less stressed. The call, the text, the frantic-sounding e-mail is only an emergency if I make it one. Practice it sometime and see how it feels. It might take some getting used to. I know it did for me at first. But, the more I stayed within my boundaries, the easier it became until now it's basically second-nature. I assess what's really at stake and then I have two choices: I can choose to become a knotted stress ball trying to jump on whatever it is instantaneously, or I can choose to let whatever it is take it's rightful place on my list, or let it keep until morning. Sometimes the urgent issue of the hour happens during business hours, but again, just because someone else is declaring it's the end of the world, doesn't mean the end is coming.
Now, if I had a job where someone's life depended on my response, that would be a different story. Or, if I took an extremely large salary with the understanding that a fax might come through at 3:00 am, that's different too. I'm not saying to abandon responsibilities you may have agreed to. What I am saying is that for most of us, nothing life-altering is riding on our shoulders.
So carry on knowing you are doing your best. And it is enough. Don't be afraid to ignore communication from work when you're off the clock. Not everything is an emergency. Don't be swayed by those who have no boundaries. Draw yours and feel the power and freedom that comes when you stay within them.
The Interview
First published August 26, 2015
Oh, the job interview. The search for the ideal work combined with just the right benefits and an oh-so-perfect salary that finally leads to an in-person meeting. What we put ourselves through in order to stand out in the crowd. We tweak our resume to highlight the experience and accomplishments that match the job description. We craft a cover letter that shines a spotlight on our incredible abilities. We smile and say all the right things. We're friendly, but not too familiar.
And then come the questions designed to determine if we are the right fit. The interesting thing about this is that I often walked into interviews thinking that I had to answer all the questions correctly, and say 'yes' to whatever I was asked in order to "win". My goal was to beat out all the competition to obtain this highly coveted thing that is 'the job' - the one that will satisfy my professional thirst and pay all the bills.
What if instead, I put as much effort into discovering if the employer is the right fit for me? I'm not saying to make poor judgments if you are in desperate need of income. We have all had to take a job that wasn't necessarily our favorite thing to do just to make ends meet, and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, we need to humble ourselves during times of struggle. We also have all had to start somewhere. It's called paying your dues, and most of us have to work our way up to what we want, often holding less than glamorous positions along the way.
I'm talking about that point in your career where you have some experience under your belt. The Rolodex (whether physical or virtual) is full, and you have tales of professional victories to share. I find myself in this place and I recently came to a realization about how I tackle job interviews.
As much as they are sizing me up, I need to be sizing them up, too. I will be receiving (hopefully) more pay and better benefits, and opportunities that energize. But, the employer is getting something too. They are getting my experience, my abilities, my unique perspective, drive, and more-than-occasional brilliant epiphany for their use. Let's start seeing the interview process as a two-way street. It's a potential relationship in which both parties have something to offer and something to gain.
It took many years for me to get to this point, and even though it was gradual, when I started thinking about interviews in these terms, my nervousness slowly went away. Instead of "will they like me?" or "Will I do ok?" I now say to myself, "Let's see what they have to say." Again, this is not meant to sound arrogant. It's just about knowing your worth and being confident in what you are bringing to the table.
One of the worst things you can do in an interview is let the potential employer ask all the questions and not have any of your own. Remember: two-way street. You want to learn as much about them, both the company as a whole, and the individuals you will be working with, as they want to learn about you.
Here are some questions I find helpful to ask:
What does a typical day look like? Don't let the salary or the office location five minutes from your house blind you to the fact that you will be doing certain tasks every day, or maybe no two days look alike. Is that something you can handle? Find out.
How long have you been here and what is it about your job that keeps you here? If the interviewers have been there a number of years, have positive things to say about the company, and describe a genuine satisfaction in their work, it's always a good sign - not just about the work you will be doing, but about the overall health of the company.
What is the staff turnover like? This seems like a strange question, but I never realized how important it was to know until I worked for a company whose staff turnover rate was three times the national average for a company its size - three times! To break it down, in the year and couple months I worked there, more than 400 people were hired, and were subsequently fired or walked out. That's a major problem, and is often an indicator of many other problems.
These are just a few questions that help me get a feel for what I would be committing myself to. A new job is a huge decision. Let's not short-change ourselves by not making sure it's a right fit. Employers want to be impressed, but don't get so caught up in proving your worth that you forget - you should be a little impressed, too.
Don’t Be Afraid To Love What You Do
First published August 14, 2015
I am different from other women.
I don’t have a husband. I don’t have children. I do have a job, and deadlines, and friends, and free time, and choices to make about how to spend it, and a home I purchased, and a retirement fund.
I have a love for my work, even though that work has changed a lot in the last few years. Work is what energizes me. When it comes to some of the projects I am most proud of, I sound a lot like most women sound when they see a new baby: my voice goes up an octave, and I start clapping and cooing a bit. I have often said that some of my best projects were like children to me, and when I watched them succeed, well, those were like family milestones.
For many years, I let this difference make me feel less-than. I looked at all the other women around me who married young, had multiple babies, and never talked about work, and I felt inferior. I felt un-relatable, and often, unnoticeable. Somehow I didn’t have as much to bring to the table because building a family was seen as time invested, while cultivating a career was seen as time wasted. I couldn’t join the moms group, and I certainly couldn’t join in the conversations they were having. As a result, I thought I had nothing to offer. How could I relate or make a difference when I was so different from everyone around me?
And then it hit me. I couldn’t.
But maybe that’s the point. Maybe I’m not meant to reach this vast group of women who trade DIY project instructions, and swap clothes every time another child is born. Maybe, just maybe, I need to look past what is directly in front of me, and see what is beyond me. There could be others out there who are different, too. Maybe I was meant to be different on purpose.
Psalm 139: 13-15 says: For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
I was hand-stitched in a dimension no one but God could see. He knew what He was doing when He wove together the drive I have for discipline in my work. He foresaw my passion for projects. He wrote the codes that make me perk up when ideas go from brainstorming to fruition, and I can hold them in my hand. Notice what that verse does not say. It doesn’t say, “I hide the woman I am because I’m not like the others.” Notice it doesn’t say, “I keep to myself until I’m exactly like the other women.” It says that I praise you because of how I am made. It says God’s works are wonderful! I should know that full well!
It’s true that being different can be difficult. I often feel like people don’t know quite what to do with me. Or what to say. They will talk to me about the season (“So how’s your summer going?”) or ask me how my house is. It’s still standing, so that’s good. But, somehow, conversation never goes past that. It’s as if without a family of my own, there’s nothing else really to say.
But I have a lot to say.
The truth is, work is important to me, and I want to talk about it. I’m not saying that work should be your number one priority. I certainly learned the hard way what happens when you place career above all else. But what happens if you don’t have a family of your own yet? Would it be right to ignore a prompt to move in a certain direction professionally simply because you’re waiting for life events to fall into place personally? Are family matters the only ones worth having dialogues about?
I’ve had the opportunity to try and do so many things that I love in other areas of my life. Yes, it may look different, but they are still things I enjoy discussing. I’ve taken chances with jobs – some have worked out better than others, but there are lessons to share and stories to tell. I love to bake, so I started selling cupcakes. I love to write so I turned my journal into a blog.
But I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve been told by a woman that work can’t define me, and then her “About” page describes her as a wife and mother. So in essence, she defines herself by roles she has assumed thanks to someone else. She is defining herself by things she is passionate about; it’s just different than my passion.
Does a woman stop being a mother during the hours her child is in school? I wonder what would happen if I told a friend (which I never would, by the way) that she couldn’t talk about her child between the hours of 9 am and 3 pm because technically, she’s off the clock. Pretty ridiculous, right? A woman doesn’t stop being a mom because her child is in a different location. I don’t stop being a professional because it’s Saturday and not Tuesday. Yes, I take a break, and I love my downtime, but doing what I do will always be a part of me.
Would I love to be married? Absolutely. Children? It would be an honor. But right now, there are other loves that have been placed on my heart, and I want to feel free in celebrating them.
If you’re passionate about your work, stay that way! Embrace who you are in Him, and praise Him for the way He made you. Someone else out there feels the exact same way. Don’t stop talking about what you love to do. And if you avoid discussing what you love, you need to start. Tell anyone who will listen. If you feel called to lead, or speak, or teach, or write, do it with all your heart! Don’t silence your voice because it sounds different. Different might just be what someone else needs to see and hear.
The world could use a few more women who aren’t afraid to love what they do!
My Harshest Critic
First published August 11, 2015
I had the awesome opportunity to attend the She Speaks conference at the end of July, and I can’t say enough good things about it. Whether a writer or a speaker, this two-day event was designed to help you become better. Lysa Terkeurst and team did an amazing job. I laughed. I learned. One thing I didn’t do was leave the same person I was when I arrived.
For almost a year-and-a-half, I allowed a critic, and a harsh one at that, be the voice – the only voice – that got in my head and tore me down. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, I did was ever good enough. And because I allowed my work to define me, her voice is what shaped me. But, while she might have been the person who signed my evaluations, she was not the God who justified my existence.
In the two short days I spent at She Speaks, I felt more encouraged, more uplifted, and more validated than I felt in a really long time. So what made the difference?
The voice I listened to.
From the early morning worship sessions to the last closing prayer, I was surrounded by voices preaching from their hearts, speaking life into my ideas, and creating an atmosphere where God could be present. But I can’t let this atmosphere just be something I experience in a conference setting. I need to daily surround myself with what He thinks and says about me.
There will always be voices that speak negatively. There will always be someone tearing us down instead of building us up. There will always be critics. When work is such a huge part of who you are, it’s hard not to take it personally. Aligning your thoughts with God’s heart towards you will help silence those voices, and allow you to rise up to the level where He created you to succeed.
I don’t need to be at a conference to open my bible, and I certainly don’t need to hop on a plane to worship or hear the word of God. I just need to let the voice of my harshest critic be drowned out by the voice of God, who in a whisper, can speak more encouragement over me that I could ever possibly imagine!