The Beautiful Boundary
First published August 28, 2015
It's always just one more. Just one more e-mail. Just one more phone call. Just one more task to cross of the to-do list. As if that list will somehow magically disappear by morning light. I assure you, it won't.
We've all been there - maybe this describes you or someone you work with. I know it used to be me. For some reason I'm not really sure of, enough was never enough. It's as if I had to push myself to the edge - but for what, I'm not really sure.
The truth is, it somehow made me feel good to go until the point of burn out. Doing good work just wasn't enough. But then I almost went through a lay off, and everything changed. I was told I no longer had a job. Three weeks later the contract was renegotiated and I got to keep my job. Despite being able to stay, my mindset shifted tremendously. Suddenly, it didn't seem to matter what I did or how mentally exhausted I made myself to do it. I was just a number. And my whole perspective changed. I'm proud to say in the few years since that happened, I look at things a lot differently.
It's not that I don't value doing good work, it's just that now I put that same high price on myself.
Recently I've been embracing this idea of the beautiful boundary. It's this imaginary line I draw around myself, my time, and my energy. Do you ever notice that everything somehow always manages to come together at the end of a project? It's just a matter of how we arrive when it does. Are we frazzled and not able to enjoy the fruit of our labor because we're so burnt out? Or, do we reach the finish line feeling exhilarated and fully able to relish in our success because we have paced ourselves?
When I remind myself that I am doing everything I need to, I don't have to succumb to the voices in my head that tell me I have to rush, or to the co-workers around me that may be stirring up unsettling energy. With every project and deadline that dots my calendar I make my lists, I follow through, and I recognize there will be bumps along the way or issues that I may not anticipate, but I just keep moving forward.
If an e-mail comes through after a certain point in the day, I will write back the next day. If the phone rings before I leave the house in the morning, that's too bad because that's my time. If a text lights up my phone Sunday morning while I'm in church, it will go unanswered.
And I feel amazing.
Not only do I feel like I am more efficient (because I am), but I'm also less stressed. The call, the text, the frantic-sounding e-mail is only an emergency if I make it one. Practice it sometime and see how it feels. It might take some getting used to. I know it did for me at first. But, the more I stayed within my boundaries, the easier it became until now it's basically second-nature. I assess what's really at stake and then I have two choices: I can choose to become a knotted stress ball trying to jump on whatever it is instantaneously, or I can choose to let whatever it is take it's rightful place on my list, or let it keep until morning. Sometimes the urgent issue of the hour happens during business hours, but again, just because someone else is declaring it's the end of the world, doesn't mean the end is coming.
Now, if I had a job where someone's life depended on my response, that would be a different story. Or, if I took an extremely large salary with the understanding that a fax might come through at 3:00 am, that's different too. I'm not saying to abandon responsibilities you may have agreed to. What I am saying is that for most of us, nothing life-altering is riding on our shoulders.
So carry on knowing you are doing your best. And it is enough. Don't be afraid to ignore communication from work when you're off the clock. Not everything is an emergency. Don't be swayed by those who have no boundaries. Draw yours and feel the power and freedom that comes when you stay within them.