International Women’s Day
First published March 8, 2019
Some thoughts on International Women’s Day:
The first person Jesus revealed himself to after he *rose from the dead* was a woman.
The single most important event that had occurred up to that point; the event that would shape and redefine history and all of the future.
This was in a time when women were viewed as property and their testimonies were inadmissible in court even if they swore their collective lives on it.
And this one had been through a lot. She had been healed of her inner demons (literally), but still....more on the fringe of society than most.
Interesting choice. Probably wouldn’t have been mine.
And because all his plans are on purpose, it’s made me realize a few things. First, I am more valued than I could possibly comprehend. I have a voice and he’s given me something to say. I matter and it matters that I show up, even if I’m a mess. Especially if I’m a mess.
I will sometimes be called into places and situations where no one else will go, or has been before. I will question if I’m ready. But my search for him makes me brave, even in darkness.
Second, he’s going to do what he does and nothing will get in his way. My title, my position, and how society sees me play no role in him accomplishing his will. My lack doesn’t limit him any more than my abilities assist him - he doesn’t actually need me (or my status) for anything.
So, ladies, there’s the ultimate paradox - beautiful in our brokenness, loved because he chose us.
Finally, there was a reason she showed up while it was still dark - not even daylight yet - and it wasn’t to witness the miraculous or to be the first in line.
It’s because he was the one who healed her. Included her. Loved her. Called her by her name. And she just wanted to know where he was taken - to be near him if she could.
Let’s not get so caught up in looking for the miracles that we lose sight of the miracle worker.
Let’s never be too busy to get up while it’s still dark and go and find him.
Keep Not Settling
First published February 13, 2017
When you are single, everyone likes to give you advice.
I should change my hair, change my religion, change my career. I should pack up all my change and spend more time at the Laundromat. (That's my favorite). It's also an awful lot of rearranging.
And if it's not advice, it's 'I'm sorry' - as in 'I feel so sorry for you because you're still single'. And that raises a few questions. Do you think those words make me feel good? Do you think because something hasn't happened yet that it never will? At the end of my life, will I be more proud of my marital status, or that I ran the race well?
The God who created the universe laid down the blueprints of my life *before* the foundation of time. Pretty important stuff. And when it's over, the two of us will look back together at what I built, husband or no husband.
Will have I made the tough choices, trusting the architect knows best? Will I have shown others the love he has shown me? I won't be satisfied until he knows I can be counted on to help those around me see their worth through his eyes - because look at the value he's *already* placed on me.
Sometimes, the pity and advice are combined, as in 'It's okay to hope, but don't hope too much, ya know, just in case...'
Just a couple months ago, I was staring down three job offers in one week, and found myself walking away from a job I had been praying and hoping for - for years - because after I let God do what he does best, it was no longer good enough for me. I would have loved for the answer to come sooner, but when I look at where I am now, and I see all the details that were worked out before I arrived on the scene, I understand the reason for the wait.
And this was just a job. How much more carefully do you think he takes care of our hearts?
Here's the thing - that God, the one holding the blueprints, and the universe, and the foundation of time - you either believe he can do anything or you don't. When it comes to us and the love he has for us, there are no categories for our dreams as if we should expect some not to happen because they are too hard for him.
If he loves us enough to sacrifice his only son, then all bets are off. I would never pity someone who was loved that much.
By design, in life and in love, the grand scheme doesn't leave a lot of room for sorry.
P.S. You can keep the change.
Instead of Asking Why
First published June 27, 2017
We’ve all heard that you should never ask why. Never ask - why did this happen?
You probably wouldn’t like the answer and it’s not going to change the outcome anyway.
Lately, I’ve heard that instead of asking “why” we should ask “what next?” This allows us to focus our energies on doing something practical with whatever situation we feel we’ve been unfairly served, or at minimum, not focus so much on the hurt. But even “what next” has a way of keeping our eyes on a particular circumstance.
Just last week a friend shared something with me that goes beyond “why” and “what next” and has changed how I view certain seasons I simply can’t explain or understand my way out of.
She told me to try asking God – what does this mean for us? What does this mean for my relationship with you, God? And most importantly:
Who do you want to be for me right now?
Wow.
I recently experienced a difficult situation where even asking “what next” didn’t make sense. I walked into something convinced I would learn all the answers. Instead, I walked out with even more questions and a whole lot of hurt. There was no next. There is still no next. It simply … is.
I am next-less.
But I can ask God what and who he wants to be for me now. And the answer is so many things!
I’m guessing you’ve been through a rough time or two where there wasn’t a clear next in view.
The job you worked so hard for, and lost. The man who promised you forever, but whose definition of monogamous was one at a time. The reconciliation you hoped for that lead to further estrangement. The annual check-up that turned into a life-threatening diagnosis.
The fight you had that felt like it was having you.
In all these things, we can ask – God, what does this mean for us? Who do you want to be for me now?
Read what the bible tells us about God being our father, our healer, our provider, and comforter. And when it still hurts, it tells us he is our peace.
Maybe he’s taking you to a new place in how you relate to him or to others. Maybe he’s asking you to trust him in ways you haven’t before – to let him be someone you haven’t allowed him to be yet.
Don’t settle for asking why. Ask for more of him.
36 Lessons in 36 Years
First published November 25, 2017
Each year around my birthday, I like to reflect on the last year and think about where I’m headed. This year I thought I would do something a little different. Here are 36 lessons I’ve learned in 36 years.
1.) God is faithful even when I'm not. He's not mad it's taken me so long to figure this out.
2.) Give yourself the same grace and understanding you give to others.
3.) It doesn't matter how smart, funny, kind, hard-working, loyal, or pretty you are if the guy isn't ready.
4.) Your body is a house you live in, not an apartment you're renting. Treat it accordingly.
5.) Exercise, vegetables, and water are a girl's best friend.
6.) Lots of #5 = very little need for coffee. Imagine not needing it.
7.) Don't assume your life will look a certain way by a certain point. It probably won't.
8.) Learn what your boundaries are. Teach them to others.
9.) You can never fix, change, or save anyone. Only God can do that.
10.) Talking about big, scary things makes them seem surprisingly small. Don't be afraid to share. Make sure it's with the right person.
11.) Take note of friends who stand by you even when your life stages look different. These people are rare.
12.) It doesn't matter what your situation looks like - you *always* have something to offer.
13.) When you're walking with God, no season - no matter how pointless or empty it may seem - is ever wasted.
14.) Don't worry about what other people are doing. Stay in your lane.
15.) Find a good financial advisor early and pay attention.
16.) What God has given you is yours to manage, not to hoard. How well are you minding the store?
17.) You don't need to be busy all the time - it's not productive; it's crazy.
18.) The road to any reconciliation begins with recognizing how patient God has already been with you. See #1.
19.) Plan to deviate.
20.) It's not about you. It never has been.
21.) There is a difference between being valued and being wanted. Learn it.
22.) People who say your life won’t really have meaning until you have children are confusing the word purpose with the word priority. Buy them a dictionary. Your purpose is never tied to any person or circumstance.
23.) People who categorize your dreams as if some are more likely to happen than others don't know their history. Buy them a bible. The seas, walls, and doors may look different, but God still parts, smashes, and kicks wide open.
24.) Vacation spots, cars, retirement, men: do your homework.
25.) When you refuse to settle for anything less than the best, you very often get it.
26.) You don't really *need* the shoes. Really.
27.) Don't ask ‘why?’ or ‘what next?’ Ask God who he wants to be for you in the middle of whatever it is. It will change everything.
28.) Don't fear failing miserably - when you have nothing left, you have nothing left to lose.
29.) When you're 26 and single, everyone thinks you're adorable. When you're 36 and single, some try not to make eye contact. Who you are doesn't change because their treatment of you does. And if you stop getting invited to the parties, start throwing your own.
30.) Don't think because something is a long time coming that it will never happen. God doesn't mass-produce miracles or the small details of your life. He designs them for you. The answers to your prayers are tailor-made.
31.) No one wakes up one morning and decides to be ______ (mean, bitter, vindictive, brainwashed, fill in the blank). It's usually years in the making - lies being more reinforced than the truth. Reserve your judgments and make time to learn their story. We all have one and we all long to be known.
32.) Stop worrying about being someone else's definition of enough. You are more than enough.
33.) Learn how to say 'no' without apologizing.
34.) Anything can happen. Anything happens all the time.
35.) The older you get, the more your view of love changes. Most of life is not made up of exhilarating highs and devastating lows. Most of life is the every day. Look for the person who is happy to do those days with you. That's love.
36.) God doesn't skip over the process. He doesn't wait to show up at the finish line after all the work is done. He will climb down into the middle of your mess, if you let him. You are never alone.
And one more thing...
Not every ending is happy, and that's ok. The most beautiful results often come from the most broken situations.
Broken Circles
First published November 7, 2016
Everyone loves what a circle represents. Wholeness, unity, infinity. Something with no beginning and no end.
But the older I get, the deeper appreciation I have for what’s broken.
And I especially love broken circles.
Circles of friends have the power to encourage and uplift. They help us find purpose, and make us feel a part of something bigger than ourselves. The problem with friend circles is they often become closed without us even realizing it. It’s second nature to spend our time and energy with people who are just like us. People whose lives mirror ours.
As the years go by, the number of women whose lives mirror mine has become smaller and smaller. As I approach 36, the number is almost non-existent.
It’s difficult for me to connect on the obvious levels – you will not see me at mom’s group or kids’ night. I can’t compare marriage notes and how you juggle it all.
This is a foreign world I have not been invited into yet.
But the truth is what people assume I envy is wrong – I would love to have a family of my own, but it’s not the babies I’m jealous of, it’s the belonging. It’s that without even trying many of you have built in communities simply because you come as part of a package and everyone around you wherever you go can relate to that.
That’s something that fits.
I’m grateful for women who keep their circles broken, whether they realize they’re doing it or not. One friend has five children. Five. That’s a whole handful. And somehow she always finds time to meet for coffee and talk about life. I can be honest about my life the way it is, even though it’s nothing like hers.
Another friend always includes me when her party invites go out. I can’t bond with her on so many levels – but I certainly love a good gathering with women to shop, drink tea, or talk about essential oils. One young lady is about a decade younger than me. We couldn’t be more different, but she meets me in the middle of conversations about work and cooking – two things I do know about.
Finally, another young married woman at church has a keen ability to sense when I just need a hug. “What can I pray about for you?” is something I hear regularly from her as she greets me with a smile.
Ladies, I know how easy it is to do what’s comfortable. I find myself there, too. And while I’m grateful for inclusiveness on the part of other women, I need to remind myself that I, too, have a lot to offer. I don’t need to be like someone to share a kind word, or a dinner, or a phone call. I can bring something to the table that maybe some of their other friends cannot, like uninterrupted time. Being more proactive in this area is something this introvert is working on.
Until then, I’m grateful for the women I know who keep their circles broken, and I promise to keep mine broken, too.
This is the Day
First published September 24, 2016
The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone; the LORD has done this, and it’s marvelous in our eyes. The LORD has done it this very day; let us rejoice today and be glad. – Psalm 118:22-24
This is the day the Lord has made. Not a different one. This one.
A couple days ago I organized a two-day meeting for 150 people. I’ve mentioned previously the stress that comes along with this type of work. Recently, a Forbes article named meeting planning as the fifth most stressful job in the world.
As I was driving early in the morning to set up the first day, I was thinking about something I wrote about a year ago about how God works while we sleep. While we are resting, he is readying. Everything God does is on purpose. He is deliberate in all his plans for us. I started thinking about this in the context of my pending event because something always goes wrong, no matter how much I prepare. That even in the missteps I view as mistakes and make me want a do-over, I could find some meaning. Because God made this day for me.
Not a day that goes smoothly without any bumps. Not a day where all the food arrives on time, and I don’t have to hunt through the kitchen to find it. Not a day when there are enough seats for everyone and the microphone works non-stop. Not a day where I feel appreciated, over paid, and under-worked.
He made this day. He made it perfectly. And he made it with me in mind.
That’s not to say that anything horrific or tragic is sent by him. We live in a fallen and broken world that will never be right until he returns. But, in the midst of all that doesn’t work right, his purposes are for our good.
I might not feel the day went well. I might think of all the things that could have been better. I might think about how I can’t wait for it to be over. I might even question God’s faithfulness by asking how in the world could I be happy about this day! But, even the worst of it is something he can use.
The days I want to reject are the very days he uses to do something in me.
In the chaos I can turn to him and know he is my peace. In my rush to get it all done, I can know I only have the capability to do it through him. And at the end of the day when I feel just plain worn out, it’s my opportunity to turn to the only person who provides rest for my soul, not just rest for my aching feet and tired body.
I’m realizing now that days he made hard are days he makes it hard for me not to come running towards him. And that’s right where he wants me to be. Safe in his arms. Relying on his strength. Trusting in his plan.
This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.
In the Details
First published September 7, 2016
After years of being out of school, I find myself heading back again this time as a student of life and experience. A few years ago I stumbled into a career I would have never chosen. Actually it was more like I tripped and fell flat on my face into it. I became angry with God for what seemed to be a waste of my time. And when I first told people I was a meeting planner, they would scrunch up their faces and tilt their heads to one side. That’s a job?
It is a job – a very difficult, sometimes exciting, often exhausting job. And now that I’m three years in, I am eligible to become a Certified Meeting Planner, which is basically recognition for the skills I’ve been putting into place every day for the last 36 months. It may also open doors to better opportunities in the field. What began looking like time wasted is suddenly looking like time invested. Funny how that happens.
I have my books, joined a study group, and hope to test by the end of the year. I don’t think most people have any idea what goes into planning a meeting for hundreds of people that lasts four consecutive days, and I don’t think I fully recognized it until I cracked open my books. There are 10 different domains, each with its own subset of skills for a total of 30 different areas that go into managing an event.
For example, did you know there is a name for someone who lingers in the common areas of an event space for the purpose of soliciting? Up until recently, I didn’t either. But I do know how many gallons of coffee to order so there is enough for everyone, but I’m not wasting money. I know how to write an RFP so I get the best and most accurate proposals from potential sites. I know how to create a budget and work within it. I’ve taught myself about contract language so I know exactly what we’re getting into when I sign my name on that line – and where I can push a little harder to get a better deal.
This job is definitely in the details. And the whole time they are meeting, the attendees go about their day completely oblivious to everything that went on behind the scenes to make each puzzle piece fit together. When I do my job well, they don’t need to think about it, and most of the time, they don’t even see me.
God is the same way. So why do we stress about the little things?
Ironically enough, the document I carry with me to each event is lovingly titled, “Event Bible”. That’s because those 15 or more pages contain the specifics of each hour of the event: how many chairs we need at 9:00 am, what time the keynote speaker gets picked up at the airport, what snack is being served in the afternoon, and when the entertainment arrives. Every microphone, musician, and martini is accounted for in that document.
But there are still things I miss. I’m only human. Someone’s name is spelled wrong on their badge or I miscounted the place settings. The key is to not take it seriously and know how to think on your feet when problems arise, because they will always pop up.
The beautiful thing about the details of my life is that God never misses any of them. No part of what I walk through gets overlooked. Whether it looks good or it looks bad, He is always behind the scenes making sure the pieces fit. I can’t see him, and I don’t need to worry about it because that’s His job.
He reminded me of this the other day as I was letting my mind drift to the “what if’s”. What if this doesn’t work out, or what if that doesn’t happen when I think it should. Unlike a meeting planner (or me) who may forget something, God never forgets. My name is etched on his palm, and it’s spelled correctly. There is always a place setting for me at His table.
Matthew 6:26 says consider the birds of the air. They don’t sow or reap and God still feeds them. Aren’t we more valuable than them? Matthew 10:30 tells us even the hairs on our heads are numbered. That’s attention to detail. That’s something that on their best day, no meeting planner would know (nor would they want to know!).
But while job duty calls us meeting planners to be concerned with details, it’s the unfailing love of God that invokes the response He has toward us to not miss a thing- to know every detail of our lives and make it all work for our good.
I think about those pages of my “bible” and everything I keep track of, and that’s just for four days. God tracks with us each hour for our whole lives. I’m grateful to have Him as my planner, behind the scenes, and with me every step of the way.
What is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? – Psalm 8:4
Where Hope is Found
First published June 13, 2016
The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. - Acts 17:24
What started off like any other weekend two days ago has ended with death, division, and more questions than answers.
When a twenty-two year old singer is gunned down after her concert, we mourn a life cut short and what might have been. So much promise. A brilliant voice silenced. We don’t know the reason, but now her family knows a loss like no other.
When 50 people are gunned down and more than that injured in the name of terror, we feel violated and wonder what this world is coming to. We demand justice. Lines are drawn and political sides are taken.
When police arrest a man with guns and explosives on his way to a parade, preventing who knows what, we want to know when enough is enough.
And where is hope in all of this?
If our hope relies on a future we can’t see, we will be disappointed. If our hope is in the laws and our government, we may not like the outcome. If our hope is in the goodness of humanity, we will always be let down. If we base our hope on how things look in the world, our hearts will constantly be filled with fear and discouragement.
Our anchor needs something that will hold.
It’s not in anything this world can offer, but in Christ who offered himself in exchange for the world. He holds our lives in his hands – where our names are permanently etched in his scars. He knows the beginning from the end and comforts us when we’re brokenhearted. He never promised us life without pain or unanswered questions, but he did promise to walk with us in the midst of them, and be the one thing that remains unchanged. The one constant in the trials.
He also promised a day when all would be made right again, and everything would come to order. An end to the chaos. Until that day, we need to stay close to Christ who is constant. We need to pray for those who don’t know his security.
And we need to always remember where our hope is found.
Christina Grimmie singing "In Christ Alone".
My Cup Runneth Over
First published June 1, 2016
I’ve been hearing it a lot lately. People who are blessed and the reasons why.
They got the promotion, so they’re blessed. They closed on the house, so they’re blessed. They met the man of their dreams, so now they’re beyond blessed.
Recently a friend told me his life had turned out exactly as he imagined it would. He had everything he ever wanted. He was so blessed.
How then should we feel if our lives haven’t turned out exactly as we imagined? What should our heart response be when we don’t seem to be beyond blessed or even a little blessed?
A blessing is defined as a special favor, mercy, or benefit. The word blessed is described as consecrated, sacred, holy, and sanctified, worthy of adoration, reverence, or worship.
While it’s true that we always have something to be grateful for, I think blessing came to us long before we got everything we never knew we always wanted.
Being blessed is never tied to something or someone we’re hoping for. I think we need to stop waiting for answered prayers and start seeing ourselves as already blessed. Because we are.
I recently spent some time in the book of Romans. Five days to be exact. It’s only 10 paragraphs long, but I found myself pausing many times along the way when I realized where my blessings have been all along and why it’s ok when things on the surface of my life don’t appear blessed.
When I Don’t Fit In
It’s hard to feel blessed when you’re different. My work looks different. My family looks different. My life looks very different. Different isn’t a bad thing, but it’s very easy to be overlooked and excluded when what you bring to the table is worlds away from what others think it should be. Romans talks about the Holy Spirit bringing us our adoption and testifying that we are God’s children. This makes us co-heirs with Christ. We’re not just accepted and ushered in the back door. We’re given a seat at the head table. We are deeply valued by the One who created the universe. It's not about what I bring to the table. I am loved by the person who built the table!
When I Don’t Know What to Say
Sometimes I don’t have the words. When I’m talking to God, I want him to take me seriously. I want him to know I mean business and that I won’t go down without a fight. But sometimes, I have no fight left. When I don’t know what to say, even to God, I feel like a failure. And that doesn’t make me feel blessed. Romans tells us that when we don’t even have words to say, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with wordless groans. I have someone approaching God on my behalf for everything I need. And he doesn’t even need words.
When I Don’t Know How it Will Work Out
The last few years have been confusing to say the least. I don’t have a clear sense of what I’m doing or where I’m headed – in so many areas of my life. When I can’t see the path in front of me and there is no real sense of order in my life, I don’t feel blessed, I feel like a mess. Romans talks about God working all things together for the good of those who love him. But there’s more. (I love when there’s more). It’s also those who have been called according to his purpose. Those he foreknew, he also predestined. This means we have all been called for a reason. There are no accidents with God. To have the foreknowledge to predestine someone for a purpose takes a lot of care. This was well thought out. Which means you were well thought out.
When I Don’t Feel Loved
Having someone to go through life with is one of life’s greatest joys. But when you travel on this journey alone, it can leave you feeling unwanted and unloved. Life without love doesn’t feel very blessed. Like any great love story, Romans ends with a love that conquers all. It reminds us that when God was considering the cost of making us his, he didn’t even think to spare his own son. Nothing and no one was too high a price. Christ Jesus died for us, but more than that (I love when there’s more), was raised to life. He did more than pay our ransom. He went a step further and came back to be with us so we wouldn’t be alone. So we wouldn’t just have a story about something nice someone we’ve never met did once to save us. We would have him.
Who can separate us from a love like that? We’ve been adopted and included. We have someone to speak on our behalf when we don’t know what to say. We were well thought out and predestined for a purpose. Most of all we are loved. Beyond a shadow of a doubt or the seal on a grave. We are loved not by someone who fought an army, but by someone who defeated death itself. After all of this, is there anything that can stop him from fitting all the jagged-edged pieces of my life together? Am I not already blessed?
Nothing in my life so far has turned out like I thought it would. Not. One. Thing. But I carry with me always the ultimate blessing.
My cup runneth over.
Just Say No
First published April 2, 2016
“Well I think you should do it like this, because then it will look like that and everyone will love it.”
“I think I’m going to stick with the way I originally planned it because that’s how I told them it would be and I’ve already made all the arrangements for it. But thanks for the idea.”
Whoosh.
Did you hear that? That’s the sound the word ‘no’ makes. That’s the sound of extra work you don’t need being wiped off your desk. It’s the sound of built up resentment from saying yes to something you don’t want passing you by.
There is power in saying ‘no’.
For a long time, I couldn’t say it. I feared upsetting coworkers. I thought it made me seem like I’m not a team player. Mostly, I just feared the fallout. It was easier to go with the flow. Saying ‘no’ would mean rocking the boat, and I didn’t want to deal with what came next – being challenged.
The truth is, while those are rational concerns, none of them result in a happier work environment, or a more productive me.
I’m not talking about a co-worker who occasionally offers a suggestion here or there in an effort to help you shine brighter, or assist in a better outcome for the team or company. If you are saying ‘no’ to this person all the time, maybe it’s time to take a step back and consider if a team environment is really right for you.
No, I’m talking about the controlling colleague who tells you how you should do *everything* differently. The one who wants the credit for the job you were hired to do. This is the co-worker who steps in when your plans are near completion and wants them all to look how he or she envisions, completely disregarding what you’ve accomplished up to that point. Did I mention it’s your job?
When you don’t want to seem argumentative, saying ‘no’ can be a totally foreign concept, but here are a few tips I have put into practice:
Listen to the whole proposition. Even if you think it’s crazy. Even if you know half way through it makes no sense, hear the person out. Some people need a captive audience, and when you take the time to genuinely listen to what they have to say, it sets the stage for peaceful communication.
Frame your response carefully. ‘No’ is a small, but powerful word that has the ability to sound like a slamming door in your face. It’s how you wrap it that matters. Frame your ‘no’ with all the positive reasons you are doing this particular task in the awesome way you are. The more reasons you can think of, the better.
End with gratitude. It could be the dumbest idea you’ve ever heard of. It could mean throwing away everything you spent months working on, and starting from scratch. It might cost more money and have a less fruitful outcome. You’re probably not going to be grateful for the idea. That’s ok. Say thank you anyway. Ending your nicely wrapped ‘no’ graciously is like the bow on a present. It just gives it a little something extra. No matter how annoying the person is, or how controlling they act, saying thank you will make them feel like they matter. It also helps diffuse any anger on their part at not having their idea come to life. A ‘thank you’ goes a long way.
Using ‘no’ in the work place, with all the politics, and office dynamics, and outrageous personalities can definitely take some time and practice to master. But remember, with every ‘no’ you are saying ‘yes’ to something else – yes to less work, yes to less stress, yes to seeing your ideas through. Think of it as the present you give yourself, because after all, you were hired to do this job. You are strong and capable. And there is power in your ‘no’.
Always on Time
First published March 22, 2016
I was reminded today (once again) that if I don’t hurry up and find someone, it will be too late.
Too late.
It has such a severe sound to it. “Too” before anything is usually a bad thing. Too big, too small, too far, too hot, too much. Too late.
And I wonder what it will be too late for. If it’s checking a box off a list to say I completed something by a certain time, than yes, it may be too late. But, if it’s to have something that’s meant for my life, then no, it will not be too late.
What’s meant for us will not pass us by.
"Hurry up" doesn’t invoke feelings of peace either. Nothing hurried is ever enjoyable. And we miss things along the way. Some of my favorite memories are the sound of the waves crashing against the shoreline at sunset or a lazy Sunday afternoon on the deck with a cup of coffee and a favorite book and the sunlight spilling over all of it.
None of my favorite memories are of rushed days or traffic jams or endlessly ringing phones or deadlines just met by the skin of my teeth. Those memories get deleted quickly. They hold nothing of value for me. Those days just feel wrong. The days that unfold naturally are the ones that feel right.
And while a certain time may come and go, it doesn’t mean we pass by the right destination.
If you miss a bus, you can take a cab. If you miss your plane, you can take a car. Wherever you’re headed will still be there. Its coordinates on the map don’t change. You’re just arriving at another time and in another way.
We all reach our destinations differently, and it’s often in the not yet that we are being prepared for just the right time.
This makes me think of Moses. An Israelite baby sent down the Nile in a wicker basket to save his life, he was discovered by Pharaoh’s daughter. Raised in a palace and trained to be a warrior, who better to then rescue the Israelites from slavery? But when he murdered an Egyptian to save one of his Israelite brothers, he became a wanted man and fled to the wilderness where he spent the next 40 years.
To anyone on the outside looking in, it would seem he was a failure. It would seem he was too late. How could he save them now?
But look a little closer at the story and you’ll see that while Moses was indeed a great warrior, it would not be enough to simply rescue the people from Egypt. They would have to flee to somewhere before arriving at the promised land. And that somewhere was a whole lot of wilderness.
What seemed like his ultimate undoing was actually a time to become who he needed to be to do what he was called to do.
He wasn’t too late at all. He was just getting started.
In fact, during that time in the wilderness he gained a wife and two sons. How about that? He lost a couple things, too, like his cockiness and his sense of self-entitlement. He came to learn not just how to survive, but to thrive.
When he did show up at Pharaoh’s throne to rescue his people, it was the right time for them, but it was the right time for him, too. He had always been ready to fight for his people, but now he was ready to lead them where they needed to go. Take away what appeared to be his detour in the desert and things might have gone a lot differently.
So what is it in your life that people keep saying it’s too late for?
Don’t let them rush you. Don’t think you’ve failed. That lost dream is most likely a starting point for a bigger dream. That wilderness you’re in is probably getting you ready for something in your future. Learn the lessons along the way. You haven’t been discarded – you’re being prepared. You may even gain some unexpected surprises in the process. Hopefully, you'll let go of some things that weigh you down.
And when the time is right – when you are ready – you will be grateful for everything that led you to that moment and the way you took to get there.
It’s not too late.
Isaiah 55:9
As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
I Wish I Was a Quitter
First published March 11, 2016
I wish I had given up. I wish I had turned back and walked out. I wish I had quit.
When it comes to work, no one likes a quitter. But is there ever a time when it’s ok to just give up? I believe there is, and I wish I had done it.
Only a handful of years ago, I left a pretty decent job for one I thought would take me to new professional levels. I definitely reached new levels – ones of stress, humiliation, and even physical sickness. Start with an office culture as hostile as Germany during WWII. Add a boss who thought nothing was ever good enough. Toss around a few trips to the hospital because construction resulted in dozens of sick employees, and you have yourself a recipe for a job that was nearly impossible to digest.
I eventually moved on about a year later, but I consider it one of my biggest failures that I didn’t walk out sooner.
There came a point about three months in when I sensed I made a mistake. But could I really turn back to where I worked before and not see this thing through? Yes! That’s exactly what I should have done. I would have spared myself months of agony.
So often I think we get too caught up in proving ourselves that we forget it is okay to admit we made a mistake. That’s not weakness. That’s being strong enough to walk away from something that isn’t right.
We tell ourselves we need to work harder or do better, when in reality, maybe it’s the company that isn’t working for us, and we would do well to disassociate ourselves from it.
Here are some things to think about before you decide if giving up on that new job is the right thing to do.
1. Office culture – Work is not play. But there should be some level of comfort in your work environment. Are you able to be yourself? Is everyone around you upset or unhappy? Ask yourself questions about what you’re used to and how much change you can really be ok with. Every culture will have things you will need to get used to, but make sure those elements aren’t so restrictive or unattainable that they border on abusive.
2. Staff turnover – This is a big one and something we don’t often think about. I never used to ask about this in interviews, but I do now – every time. In the year I was at this particular company, more than 400 people began working there and were subsequently fired, or just walked out. That’s a lot of change, and it affected me on more than one occasion. Put some thought into how you would feel if there was a new manager every other month, or if your point person on a project changed several times throughout the course of that project. If staff don’t stay, there’s a problem somewhere and it’s usually not with the people leaving.
3. Health – You deserve to work in an environment that doesn’t cause you to feel sick – emotionally or physically. We’ve all been up against deadlines that cause us some amount of stress or had a co-worker that gets on our nerves and this is normal. This can often even be good for us as we test our limits and see what we’re made of. But what I’m referring to is something more. When work makes you sick, either physically right away or in symptoms of stress that manifest themselves physically later on, it’s time to reconsider where you spend your time every day. If you find yourself in tears on a regular basis and losing sleep over the thought of going in, it’s time to move on. No job is worth your health.
With any job, it’s always good to consider the pros and the cons before doing anything drastic. But, it’s also perfectly fine to admit that something is seriously wrong. This doesn’t mean you failed. Remove that thought from your thought process. Think instead of shoes. Yes, shoes. If you try on a pair that aren’t right, you move on to the next pair. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. It just means you’re searching for the very best fit for you. And it’s no different with a job!
His Work
First published January 27, 2016
I created this blog with the working woman in mind. Whether it's a 9 to 5, or something a little less conventional, the work we put our hands to is often a huge part of who we are - giving us some of our greatest enjoyment and also some of our greatest stress. Our work has the capacity to influence our passions, and affect great change. We are all works in progress.
But at the end of the day, it's the work of someone else that really matters.
Christ laying His life down on the cross was the ultimate work of saving my soul and wrestling for my salvation and winning my heart. There is no good work I could ever do that could possibly compare. There's also no way I could ever earn what He's done for me.
Two years ago today, I was baptized.
After years of walking the fine line between in and out, sure and not really sure, I made the commitment. I freely surrendered to it. No other decision will ever hold the same weight. Maybe that's because no other person could know all there is to know, and still love without ever changing. It is the biggest, most important choice you will ever make. More so than what you do or even who you marry, this is the choice that has the potential to define the rest of your life and all of your eternity.
It is not to be taken lightly.
The words I wrote then are still true today. Whatever you think God is, He is always so much more. And then some.
//
When you are baby baptized, dress is fancy, water sprinkled, action empty.
But then you grow. Heart strings stretch. Eyes shift up.
Because no one died so you could have more rules. He wants a relationship.
Clothes you wear today are of no consequence. You consider worth. Cross and cost.
His sinless soul so soaked with sin.
And that would have been enough. But He is never enough.
He seeks, and He saves, and He sets free. And then He stands firm.
Shelter.
And it's safe to stay.
So now today it's a choice and you're happy to drown in it. Because now you're all in.
Because He will forever be the only one who followed His love for you all the way to His death for you. And then came back for you.
Because when you really love someone there is no such thing as enough.
The Uncommon Life: A Call to Bravery
First published January 16, 2016
Being single in today's world, especially after a certain age, is not for the faint of heart. It takes patience to navigate the comments, the overwhelming amount of suggestions, and the laser-like focus on one piece of the puzzle that is your life. It also takes a certain brand of bravery to carve out your own unique existence, and fully experience it.
And oh, that advice.
If I want to meet someone I should change my hair, change my religion, and change my career. I should pack up all my change and spend more time at the Laundromat. (Really?) That’s a lot of change for one person. It’s not easy to stand your ground when opinions start flying.
In the last several months, I’ve been “gifted” with more advice than usual. Most of it is coming from strangers, colleagues, and mere acquaintances who don’t know I just turned 35. It’s as if they are all somehow aware of a cosmic countdown that I’m not sure I was equipped with eyes to see or ears to hear.
Read me when I write – I would love to be married. I would love to have a family. But it’s not as simple as stopping at the store on the way home like you do when you forget to pick up the eggs. And I refuse to miss out on anything because I’m focusing on one thing.
It’s kind of like the lottery. Just this week, tension mounted as the potential winnings topped a billion dollars. Who wouldn’t love to win a billion dollars? Many people bought a dozen or more tickets hoping to increase their odds at taking home the jackpot. And then they probably daydreamed and schemed about how they might spend it all.
But do you think any of them stopped everything they were doing to contemplate winning the lottery? I certainly hope not.
They left their tickets on the kitchen counter and went to work, went to school, saw their friends, and hugged their kids. Because if they put their entire lives on hold to concentrate on winning the lottery - that thing they would love to have happen, but the thing they don't have much control over happening - they would miss what’s right in front of them. They would sacrifice divine appointments and precious experiences that might not cost millions but are, in fact, priceless.
On more than one occasion, I’ve been referred to as someone’s “project” just because I’m single. A project is something that is not yet what it should be. It’s work. It’s the garage that needs cleaning, or the basement that needs remodeling. It requires an investment of time and money. Projects are projects because they are often some sort of problem. This is no way to refer to a person. I find it ironic that I am often defined by one thing that is missing, instead of all that is present and thriving.
And I have to be brave in my defense.
I lead a life that is abundant and teeming with possibility – deep and meaningful friendships, a career and causes, a home and hobbies. And yet, when someone learns that I am not married, I often hear, “Oh, I’m so sorry.”
And I have to gather up my courage before responding with grace and love.
Can we switch places for a minute? Imagine this conversation: “Hi, I just moved here. I’m getting married in a few months.”
“Wow. That’s going to be so hard. Your time won’t be your own anymore, and neither will your finances. Oh, and the in-laws. And once you start having kids, forget it. You won’t get any sleep. You’ll probably always be exhausted. I’m so sorry.”
Something doesn’t seem right about that. No one would brush aside all the joy that woman is about to experience by pointing out what might be cause for stress or tension. That’s not a project to be tackled – that’s a woman about to embark on an exciting new journey.
When I was embarking on the exciting, yet scary, journey of buying a house a friend asked me, "Don't you think you should wait until you get married?" Like that child who has reached her quota for the question, my response was, "Why?” “Why wait?” “Why can’t I do it now?” I would encourage any single person to ask the same question. Ask it over and over and in different ways. Your life is not a waiting room. Your great experiences don’t start after a particular event. They are happening right now.
When someone tells you that if you were married you would finally have an excuse to buy the dishes, take the trip, turn down the job, remind them that your life is already all the excuse you need. And it’s a darn good one.
It takes courage to sign your name –and your name only – on the deed of a house when you’re the sole bread winner. It’s courageous to say no to marrying the wrong person and yes to an unknown future. It’s bold and daring to walk into an event all alone and navigate the entire evening without someone by your side.
To those who make changing my current status their mission, I would say this: there are worse things than being single, and I am not those things. I am not mean or vindictive. I am not driven by jealousy, pride, or bitterness. I am not sick or dying. I am not unemployed and I am not homeless.
But I am hungry.
I am hungry to see the people who matter most to me thriving and successful, in life and in love. I am hungry to march into uncharted territory because being uncomfortable forces me to learn and change. I hunger to exhaust my energy on a cause that is bigger than me. There is a rumbling in my soul to make the most of the time I have leaving things better than how I found them. I’m hungry to be a light in this ever-darkening world and live my life on purpose. And I purpose to do this right now, just as I am.
You may never know how many people are inspired by watching you live fully right where you are. Don't ever underestimate that your single life might just be the encouragement someone needs; a reminder that it is possible to do, and do well.
Synonyms for the word ‘single’ include separate, solitary, isolated, and strange. But they also include unique, without equal, peerless, unrivaled, and uncommon. If I could offer any advice to those walking alone, it would be to relish in this most unrivaled opportunity. Find what ignites your passion and pursue it. Be bold in your convictions even if no one is standing next to you. Time waits for no one and neither should you. Give, laugh, learn, travel, and enjoy. Be a light.
Most of all, be brave with your one and only life!
Make Room
First published December 24, 2015
As the last month of the year comes to a close, the length of to-do lists somehow stretch out longer than before. More and more, I think we walk through every season this way. We rush from one appointment to the next. We face-time instead of making time to face each other. There is always one more thing to do that never gets done. We continue to set the bar for what needs to be accomplished higher and higher. We seek to do good work, and somehow get lost in the busyness of it, instead of the heart behind it.
And let's not forget the expectations. They get placed on us by those all around us. We place them on ourselves, too. And we carry hurt around when something or someone makes us feel like we're not enough. If we're being honest, there are no shortage of situations to make us feel like we didn't do enough, or we didn't bring enough to the table. You can fill in the blank with any adjective - smart, funny, attractive, educated - and there will come a point in time when that part of you isn't enough.
But while the world tells us to make more of ourselves, God asks us to just make room.
Jesus exchanged all the majesty of heaven for a tiny, messy manger. That should tell you what he thinks of expectations. There was no room anywhere else. This was not an ideal plan, nor would it be anyone's first choice. No one prepared the manger. No one worked hard to clean it or make it look nice - it's where the cows slept. Mary and Joseph were poor and uneducated. No 401k plan. No 10-year vision for their lives.
They had nothing but the clothes on their backs and room in their hearts.
Don't miss out on what God wants you to see: things were far from perfect, and yet He still came. He does the same for us because we are His first choice. When you're weary from the season, or when a season of weariness becomes your life, let the manger stand as a reminder that God has come for you, and not for any of the words that may describe you.
You just need to make Him room.
With God, things tend to be simpler than we allow ourselves to believe. John 6:29 tells us that the work God asks of us is this: believe in the one He sent.
That's it.
Philippians 1:6 says that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Isaiah 9:4 references the God who "shatters the yoke that burdens them."
In all these instances, it's God doing all the work, not us. We didn't reach for Him in the beginning; He came down to meet us. All the way down. Can you think of anything lower for a king than being born where the animals are kept? He was born into a mess - the mess of a manger and the mess of a broken world. When we accept Him, He dwells with us in the messiness of our individual lives. He comes alongside us to help us become who we are meant to be. Starting right where we are. And because He initiates this, He promises to stay with us and finish what He's started in us.
This is love.
If you struggle with feeling the weight of expectations this time of year, or anytime, just remember that someone must have thought the world of you to come as far as He did to be with you. He promises to never leave you, and He will always finish what He started in you. You don't need to bring anything, or be anyone. He already thinks you're enough.
All you have to do is make Him room.
The people walking in darkness have seen a great light. - Isaiah 9:2
Some Thoughts on San Bernardino
First published December 4, 2015
In the wake of the deadliest mass shooting since Sandy Hook three years ago, the publishers of NY Daily News made their frustration with praying lawmakers who fail to enact stricter gun controls very clear with a headline that reads, "God Isn't Fixing This".
And my heart aches.
My heart aches for the victims, and the confusion and fear they must have felt. My heart aches for their loved ones, some of whom waited hours while bus after bus dropped survivors off at a gym, only to finally be told there were no more buses coming.
My heart aches for the authorities who bore the burden of sitting those loved ones down, one by one, to break the heart-breaking news.
Believe it or not, my heart also aches for Syed Farook and Tashfeen Malik because I wish they knew the God I know, who doesn’t fix things because He makes all things new.
And I wish with all my heart they understood the power behind the love He had for them, even at their weakest. I wish they comprehended the magnitude of His grace for them, even at their darkest. I wish they experienced the transformation that occurs with one touch of that love.
This issue is so much bigger than guns, or terrorists, or ISIS. It’s bigger than the law of the land that seeks to put a stamp on it, shut the office lights off and go home. This is about a hurting world and the human heart.
When this country was new, our Founding Fathers seemed to be on to something the world has long since dismissed. It’s the idea that a submission to God equals a protection by God and a favor from God. That’s why they made us one nation under God.
They saw God’s principles as vital not just to the order of their daily lives, but to the order of a nation. Thomas Jefferson’s letter to a group of concerned Baptists that mentions a wall of separation between church and state referred only to protecting the church from government control.
In fact when a group petitioned Congress to separate Christian principles from government in 1853, the response was that “…any attempt to war against Christianity would have been strangled in its cradle”, because, they said, “In this age, there is no substitute for Christianity.”
But in 1992, those handful of words referencing church and state had been pulled from Jefferson’s letter and used so frequently in court cases since the 1940s that the Supreme Court stated the unthinkable, “At the heart of liberty is the right to define one’s own concept of existence, of meaning, of the universe, and of the mystery of human life.”
I wonder how Syed’s existence would have been defined if he had let God do the defining.
There is a popular portrait that depicts Jesus knocking on a closed door. The door is meant to represent the human heart. If you look closely, something is missing. There is no handle on the outside of the door.
There is no way in unless it is opened from the inside. Maybe that's because Jesus never went where he wasn't invited. Ever the gentleman, he has to be asked. He will not go where he is not wanted.
And sadly, the world doesn't want him. Because the world doesn’t know him.
I agree some action must be taken on the part of mankind. We were never called to sit idly by and watch any form of injustice flourish. Maybe in the case of the San Bernardino shootings, stricter gun controls would have prevented this.
But then what?
You're still left with a man and woman who just didn’t see things like other people do. What if they used a bomb instead because a law prevented them from obtaining guns?
A Huffington Post article reported that the couple had more than 1,600 bullets on them when they were killed. Waiting at home were 12 pipe bombs, tools to make more explosives, and more than 3,000 rounds of ammunition.
Someone who knew Syed said, "This was a person who was successful, who had a good job, a good income, a wife and a family. What was he missing in his life?" Was it more money, a better job, more friends, or simply to just be heard and accepted?
The answer is none of it.
No matter how hard you try, nothing can fill a hole that is created to be filled by something else.
When a potter fashions a bowl, shaping it and molding it and causing it to have form, does the bowl then fill itself? No. That bowl remains empty until the potter fills it.
The God who formed Syed and Tashfeen, with such an incredible purpose in mind, is the only one who could have fulfilled them.
The law may seek to reign in behavior. It may even succeed. But it doesn't change the heart.
There are deeper rooted issues at hand that no law can change. I'm not saying that we shouldn't enact laws that will protect us. I'm simply saying until we get past the behavior to the heart underneath it, we will continue to see this violence.
Whatever the cause, God does have an answer. It's not in the rules we follow, songs we sing, chants we hum, or peace we manifest inside ourselves. It’s not in the life we think we design, the job we think we’ve earned, or the money we think secures.
The answer is simply found in Him.
It’s found in meeting a loving, merciful Father who has never not existed and is bound by nothing.
It’s found in trusting the God who keeps the earth from crashing into the sun, and still hears every prayer you pray.
It’s found in a relationship with the God who bled on a cross to save you, wrestled with hell to win you, defeated the grave to redeem you, and still catches every tear you cry in a bottle.
Nothing is too big for Him to overcome.
Nothing is too small for Him to notice.
Every piece of your heart, however broken, is held by hands that were strong enough to tear death to shreds and safe enough to steady the raging seas.
God doesn’t fix things. He replaces the broken with something brand new. This isn't a gun issue. It's not a Muslim or terrorist issue. It's not a Republican or Democrat issue. It's not an ‘us’ or ‘them’ issue. It’s not a law issue. Since time began, this has been a heart issue.
And only God can make hearts new.
John 3:16-19
2 Corinthians 5:17
Psalm 97:1-6
Psalm 139
The Promise of a Silhouette in the Distance
First published October 14, 2015
I was thinking about Christopher Columbus this week. And not just because I had to work while everyone else got the day off.
I heard a radio personality mention how excited Columbus must have been when he finally found land.
How excited indeed.
It got me wondering about the entire journey and led me to do some research. It's easy to celebrate an end result without giving a second thought to how it came to be.
I discovered that Columbus proposed his voyage seven years before he actually went. He presented his plans of three sturdy, fully-equipped vessels to King John II of Portugal in 1485. The king submitted the proposal to his experts who rejected it after several years. I have difficulty waiting several months or even minutes to hear back about something I proposed.
I can't imagine the frustration of waiting years, and then hearing "no". But something made him try again.
In 1488, he traveled from Portugal to Spain to convince the Catholic monarchs there to finance the expedition. Great idea. If you can't get an answer out of one person, go ask another. Except, he wasn't granted an audience with King Ferdinand II and Queen Isabella I of Castile until 1489.
Another year. Gone.
Again he presented his plans. The Queen referred them to a committee (another committee!) who decided the idea was impractical, and advised the monarchs not to support it. I most definitely would have walked away at this point.
When decisions are left to committees, they often don't get decided. And still, something kept him going.
The next part of this chapter made me laugh. History tells us that Columbus continually nagged and begged asking the monarchs to support his plan at the royal court and endured two years of negotiations, before finally getting them to agree to fund his journey. The year was 1492.
I remember my mortgage negotiations and those only lasted a matter of weeks, at most. To wrestle over the details for 730 days had to have been agony. By now I'm sure he was shouting to anyone who would listen, "Just let me go!"
At 8:00 in the morning on August 3, 1492, Columbus departed from Castilian Palos de la Frontera with the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria.
It must have felt so good to finally be on his way with all that open water in front of him. Sometimes, the process to start something takes so long that we think what comes after will come easily. And then it doesn't.
Three days into the journey, Pinta's rudder broke. If you're not familiar with ships, this is the part that keeps them level and steady. It's the balance. It prevents them from toppling over into the sea. No rudder, no ship. The crew was able to secure it with ropes until they reached a nearby island and could repair it. Crisis averted.
As Columbus was gathering provisions during this stop, he received word that three Portuguese ships were hovering around a nearby island with the intent of capturing him. I can't think of anything that would make me want to turn and run (or sail) in the other direction more than being captured, kidnapped, or carried away!
But he continued the next morning without incident. A few weeks later, barely one month into the voyage, Columbus realized his compass no longer pointed North. Didn't we just get the rudder fixed? Didn't we just escape imprisonment? Now, we have no direction.
When I am in unfamiliar territory, I rely heavily on my GPS to get me where I need to be. I'm lost without it. Literally lost, driving in circles, going up and down the same roads twice. That's the thing about the ocean - there are no street signs, no houses or stores, no way to know if you've been where you just were.
I would have really wanted to quit. Allegedly, the crew thought the same way, because at this point they threatened to sail back to Spain. But Columbus had quite the reputation as an astronomer and his skills gradually put them at ease.
As bad as being lost with no direction would have been, it's the living conditions on the ship that would have finished me for sure. This was worse than camping. And I don't camp.
Crew worked in four-hour shifts pumping bilge, clearing the deck, working the sails, and checking the ropes and cargo. When they were off duty, they slept where ever they could find a space. Columbus himself often spent days without sleep. Many sailors died from disease, hunger, and thirst. There was one hot meal a day.
Religion was the central focus of their lives - they began every day with prayers and hymns and ended with services at night.
One of the best parts of the story is that Columbus believed incorrect arguments that the Earth actually had a much smaller diameter, meaning his journey was longer than he realized. No ship in the 15th century could carry enough food and fresh water for such a journey.
Isn't it so good that we have a tendency to miscalculate? I wonder how often we just wouldn't start if we knew how long the journey was going to be.
So here he was.
Seven years of wrestling with the powers-that-be who told him he was crazy. Years of waiting. Years of negotiating. Finally getting to go. And then those travel conditions. Not enough food. Not enough water. Not nearly enough sleep and few places to even lay his head. Sickness and death all around him. An attempt on his life. A rudder that can't balance, but what difference does it make since the compass doesn't point North anyway?
Nothing but the ship's blank canvass and his prayers.
On October 10 the crew lost all patience. They were done, and they told Columbus as much. So often when you can't take another step, or sail one more mile, you need to pick up your feet or redirect your sail and keep going. When you've got nothing left, dig a little deeper, and keep going.
At 2:00 a.m. on October 12, 1492 - two days later - one of them spotted a silhouette off in the distance.
They hadn't arrived yet. They weren't suddenly made well. They didn't instantly have their stomachs filled with food and water. This is the big-smile part of the story because the silhouette meant there was hope. It's the somewhat blurred vision that means what had been hoped for is coming. It's possible.
Now, I'm not looking to discover a whole new world. Many of my immediate requests and desires are far less impacting than that. But I have spent time waiting and wrestling - waiting on God and wrestling with Him. I've spent nights not sleeping feeling like my balance is off and I have no direction. But my story isn't over yet.
Sometimes it seems like you will never find the things you know are out there. You mistake the fog and the darkness to mean you're a million miles from where you want to be. But you're not. If you give up in the middle, you'll never know. If you fail to start, you'll really never know. You will miss what's just up ahead. It's closer than you think. Often we are provided with a glimpse to give us just enough hope to hold on until the promise is within our grasp. Rest assured, morning is coming.
How happy Columbus must have been when he finally stepped off that ship.
When You Can Do No More
First published October 9, 2015
Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will never slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
Sometimes, there's nothing left to do.
You've explored all options. Worked. Tried. Called. Talked. Listened. Read. Wrote. Watched. Prayed.
And maybe it's not enough. Sleep still won't come. So you toss, turn, roll, sweat, weep, wait. But staying awake won't get any more done. And it fully succeeds in robbing tonight and tomorrow. Tonight of its dreams and tomorrow of its promise.
But you don't need to carry the burden anymore. Because the God who created the night and the day never sleeps. He doesn't slumber. He can't. Because He's watching over you.
Once upon a time, God separated the light from the dark. There was evening and there was morning - the first day. That first day began with evening.
And because He always finishes what He starts, He kept working the next day. And the next day. And the next day. And the next day. Each day in the very beginning was marked by evening and morning. Evening was always first.
When your day is ending and you've exhausted all options, He is just getting started. He is working while you sleep. His best work is done when you are at rest. While you are resting, He is readying. Under the cloak of darkness, when you cannot see, He is fighting on your behalf. He is aligning the circumstances of your life. He is scripting the details that will weave together so magically that your breath will be taken away when you awaken one day to realize just how well He knows you. Better than anyone else. Better than you know yourself.
Close your mind to what is beyond your control, your grasp, your reach. All that is outside your ability to comprehend. Tame your thoughts. Whatever is hard or half-finished is held in His hands. All the days that came before you and the ones you haven't lived yet are held there, too. Breathe in deeply the truth that as you are settling in, He is rising up.
So sleep. Rest your head and close your eyes because the heavens are rustling and beginning what only they can finish.
You can sleep because He never will.
My Best Work
First published October 1, 2015
At the end of this month, I will be celebrating a very special anniversary: six years of being a homeowner.
When I look back on moments in life I am most proud of, this one is at the top of the list. Buying a home doesn't just take a lot of hard work, but it's an emotional process as well. Putting in an offer, waiting to hear back, and often times, dealing with painful rejection when your bid isn't high enough.
I went through all of that, thankfully just once, before I found the very best place for me.
It all started with my first visit to a financial planner when I was 21 years old. Of all the good work you do ladies, whether married or single, I recommend doing this above all else. If for no other reason than to learn how to create a budget. The right advisor can teach you all sorts of cool things about money and how to make yours work in your favor.
I remember talking to mine about still living at home and how, never having rented an apartment, I always thought about what it would be like to own my own space. She agreed. And then we did the math. If I found an apartment that was $1,000 a month and I lived there for five years, what would I have at the end of that 60 months? Nothing. I would also be minus $60,000! The numbers were too much for me to compute. "Let's get you in a house," was her response.
As an aside, I highly recommend you find an advisor who not only teaches you about money, but encourages you in your dreams. She was the first person - the only person for awhile - who knew what I was thinking, and didn't laugh at me or tell me I was crazy. She simply laid out a plan to help me get there.
And then I started saving.
And I saved. And I saved. And I saved.
In seven years, I managed to save enough for a down payment and some furniture. This was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It's not easy to watch friends buy cars, and clothes, and trips. But I had my sights set on something bigger. Something that would last longer. Also, I didn't want to go into debt over things I didn't really need.
You've probably heard the saying, "don't give up what you want most for what you want now" and I lived by this motto for years. Seven years to be exact. Sometimes, it seemed like the day would never come when I would see the fruits of my labor, but the day did come and I'm so glad I was ready for it.
Here are a few things buying a home taught me:
* Self-discipline - I had to weigh every purchase very carefully. If it meant removing money from my 'house savings' account, it had better be for a worthy purchase. If not, I wasn't going to consider it.
* Looking ahead - The problem with many people today is that they have no concept of the future. It will be here someday, so do yourself a favor and prepare now. Planning, searching, and saving for my home taught me how to think about the long-term and not just be in the moment - at least not all the time. It's a good to have a plan.
* Be smart - Just because a bank says they can loan you THIS MUCH money because you have such awesome credit, doesn't mean you can afford THAT MUCH house. Be smart about what your finances look like and how much mortgage you are actually comfortable investing in. Remember, unlike renting, it's a lot harder to walk away. But it is worth it.
Mostly, it taught me that big dreams are possible, and it's a regular reminder that I can do more than I think I'm capable of. I love where I live. I love it because I sacrificed and invested to get here. I love making it my own and adding my personal touches. Every picture and pillow reflects an emotion or a memory. And that just makes my heart swell.
And at the end of the hardest day I've ever had, I came home. I turned the key and opened the door. I looked around and thought - you did this.
And that's a beautiful feeling.
Lean In Part 2
First published September 25, 2015
If it matters to you, it matters to God. And when it comes to God, sometimes not doing is the best thing we can do.
I'm a little emotional as I write this because it deals with feelings that have recently hit close to home: how frustrating it feels when I can't fix something myself, and how scared I feel when I have to put something in someone else's hands.
In my last post, I talked about the importance of learning to lean in to situations at work, or even entire jobs, that are uncomfortable or undesirable - how when we do this, no part of whatever we are experiencing will be wasted. It may even be preparing us for something better in the future.
It should come as no surprise that when I love what I'm doing, and I'm doing good work, I seriously lean in - almost to the point of toppling over. What I mean is that it's not a stretch for me to suggest getting great at a job you're not thrilled with because whether things are good or bad, I'm a bit of a workaholic.
Work is my thing.
The problem comes when I start believing that it's my work alone that can change my circumstances. For the last few years, I've tried tirelessly to alter a course I'm on, and every time I get close enough to touch it, I wake up still in the same lane.
The truth is I can learn all I am able to about a job and do difficult things with a smile. I can be the best example of a dedicated employee and leave things better than I found them. I can lean in as close as I can get, but underneath it there is still hurt, confusion, and sometimes bitterness about the wrong turn that led me here in the first place. The only thing that will change the heart of the matter - change the heart in me - is prayer.
Prayer is leaning in to God.
Prayer is not something that comes easily to a take-charge kind of woman like me. I like my house in order, my finances in order, and especially my career in order. After all, I spend more time at work than anywhere else. I always have a plan and two to back it up. Prayer sometimes feels like I'm sitting on my hands. How can anything change if I'm not doing anything?
Giving my current situation over to prayer at first felt like a forfeiture. The dictionary defines the word as something that is lost or given up as punishment or because of a rule or law. Letting go of my 'right' to fight this on my own really felt like a punishment. I had lost. But there is a difference between forfeiting and surrendering. Surrender is the act of giving control to someone else and allowing yourself to be influenced by that person.
Surrender is agreeing to stop fighting because you know you will not win.
In all my fighting and striving to make things right, I had to reach a point where it became apparent: I am not going to win this. Not on my own.
God talks a lot about surrender. I am reminded in Matthew 6:26 to look at the birds. They never work or store food, and still God takes care of them. I am certainly more valuable than the birds. Later, Matthew 11:30 tells me that God's yoke is easy and his burden is light. Surrendering to God in prayer means that I experience a sense of peace because now He is doing the work that only He can. The work that I'm not meant to do.
And if that weren't enough, Philippians 4:6 takes all the guesswork out of it: Worry about nothing. Pray about everything.
Everything is a lot. And even work is included.
If it's something you would normally worry about, then it's fair game. Your job, your boss, your promotion, your presentation, your co-workers....I could go on, but the point is that some of these worries will be small and some will be big. Some will be so very big that they keep you awake at night wondering how one paycheck will last until the next one or how you will ever find your way back to work that makes your face light up whenever you talk about it - because it's that good.
When the worry comes in, it's time to lean in.
I just started a new Bible study that was written by Priscilla Shirer who also stars in the movie War Room. The film looks at the life of a family who seems to have it all, but is crumbling underneath. The wife then meets Miss Clara and is encouraged to establish a war room in her home - essentially a place where she can do battle in prayer.
Even though I'm only one session in to the Bible study, I can already tell this book will soon be tattered and the binding broken. Entitled, 'The Armor of God', it looks at the very real enemy of God who would like nothing more than to see me worry about work, and fight to make it right on my own, and hide in my pride so I never ask for help - so I never pray.
Just flipping through it I can see it's going to encourage me to write strategies for my prayers, to post them where I can be reminded of them, and above all, have a quiet space where I can pray them through. This will be where I lean in to God about a crushed career and hopeless hopes, and of course many other things that have nothing to do with work. It will be where I surrender (not forfeit) because I have human limits to what I can accomplish and how far I can go.
But God doesn't.
When I'm at my weakest, He is still strong. And the more I lean in to my prayers, the more I lean in to God, the smaller the circumstances will seem, and the knowledge that He will take care of it all will fill the whole room. Unlike my own energy that drains after a time, and becomes fatigued when I've been spinning my wheels too long, I can lean in to God whenever I want. Over and over. About everything. And unlike my resources, His can never be exhausted.
Lean in by praying - that is your work. Winning the battle is God's.