I’m (Not) Sorry
First published September 7, 2015
Women apologize for too many things at work that they have no business being sorry for.
There. I said it. And I'm not sorry.
Do you ever stop to think about the number of times that phrase comes out of your mouth at work? I do. I'm sorry for knocking on the office door, even though it's time for our meeting. I'm sorry for requesting time off, even though I have more than enough time to cover it. I'm sorry for sharing my opinion in a meeting, even though it's *my job* to have an opinion on the topic. I was hired to have an opinion on the topic. I get paid - to have an opinion on the topic, and to bring my expertise and experience in general to wherever I'm working.
And still, we apologize. A lot. If we aren't saying "I'm sorry", we're probably doing something that shows we are, like taking on more work that we can handle so as not to rock the boat.
Why are we sorry? Is it because we have genuinely done something wrong? I'm going to venture it's because, unlike many men, we don't feel empowered enough to be standing where we are and doing what we're doing.
We don't want to be a bother or a burden. We don't want to step up or speak out. For so many years, a woman's place was in the home, and although much has changed over the years, I don't know that we ever really gave ourselves permission to take our places in the work force, if that is where we want to be. I also think this sentiment is not just something we struggle with - it's evident nationwide.
On average, full-time working women earn just 77 cents for every dollar a man earns. So, even if we don't feel the need to apologize for ourselves, the rest of the world does it for us by paying us less to do the same job (and in most instances, probably to do it just as well.)
Being a career-focused woman myself and also a Christ follower, I used to wonder if my apologies, whether in words or actions, were rooted in something bigger - like maybe I wasn't supposed to be reaching for success in my career. That was until I came across something interesting in Proverbs 31. This chapter of the Bible discusses what a Godly woman should be like, describing her as "the wife of noble character". She cooks, she cleans, she makes clothes, she takes care of her husband and her children, and is the epitome of patience and grace.
And then I get to verses 16-18: "She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night."
It seems this Proverbs 31 woman - this wife of noble character - in addition to being a great homemaker, was also quite the little business woman. You go girl!
With everything she accomplished, both at home for her family *and* in her work, I don't read anything about her shrinking back from earning money or making profitable trades. And she certainly wasn't apologizing for being good at all of it.
Being a woman in today's workplace, I always want to walk the fine line between bringing grace and kindness to those around me and being firm and speaking my mind when necessary. Sometimes conversations might be difficult to have. Sometimes, I might have to repeat myself or change the way I'm saying something to get my point across. I also want to keep pursuing areas where I know I succeed and I want to keep doing good work.
It won't always be easy to find my place or make my way, but regardless of the circumstances, I will have worked hard to get where I'm headed in my career. I will have made sacrifices and I will have given my all.
I'm not going to be sorry for that.