International Women’s Day
First published March 8, 2019
Some thoughts on International Women’s Day:
The first person Jesus revealed himself to after he *rose from the dead* was a woman.
The single most important event that had occurred up to that point; the event that would shape and redefine history and all of the future.
This was in a time when women were viewed as property and their testimonies were inadmissible in court even if they swore their collective lives on it.
And this one had been through a lot. She had been healed of her inner demons (literally), but still....more on the fringe of society than most.
Interesting choice. Probably wouldn’t have been mine.
And because all his plans are on purpose, it’s made me realize a few things. First, I am more valued than I could possibly comprehend. I have a voice and he’s given me something to say. I matter and it matters that I show up, even if I’m a mess. Especially if I’m a mess.
I will sometimes be called into places and situations where no one else will go, or has been before. I will question if I’m ready. But my search for him makes me brave, even in darkness.
Second, he’s going to do what he does and nothing will get in his way. My title, my position, and how society sees me play no role in him accomplishing his will. My lack doesn’t limit him any more than my abilities assist him - he doesn’t actually need me (or my status) for anything.
So, ladies, there’s the ultimate paradox - beautiful in our brokenness, loved because he chose us.
Finally, there was a reason she showed up while it was still dark - not even daylight yet - and it wasn’t to witness the miraculous or to be the first in line.
It’s because he was the one who healed her. Included her. Loved her. Called her by her name. And she just wanted to know where he was taken - to be near him if she could.
Let’s not get so caught up in looking for the miracles that we lose sight of the miracle worker.
Let’s never be too busy to get up while it’s still dark and go and find him.
Keep Not Settling
First published February 13, 2017
When you are single, everyone likes to give you advice.
I should change my hair, change my religion, change my career. I should pack up all my change and spend more time at the Laundromat. (That's my favorite). It's also an awful lot of rearranging.
And if it's not advice, it's 'I'm sorry' - as in 'I feel so sorry for you because you're still single'. And that raises a few questions. Do you think those words make me feel good? Do you think because something hasn't happened yet that it never will? At the end of my life, will I be more proud of my marital status, or that I ran the race well?
The God who created the universe laid down the blueprints of my life *before* the foundation of time. Pretty important stuff. And when it's over, the two of us will look back together at what I built, husband or no husband.
Will have I made the tough choices, trusting the architect knows best? Will I have shown others the love he has shown me? I won't be satisfied until he knows I can be counted on to help those around me see their worth through his eyes - because look at the value he's *already* placed on me.
Sometimes, the pity and advice are combined, as in 'It's okay to hope, but don't hope too much, ya know, just in case...'
Just a couple months ago, I was staring down three job offers in one week, and found myself walking away from a job I had been praying and hoping for - for years - because after I let God do what he does best, it was no longer good enough for me. I would have loved for the answer to come sooner, but when I look at where I am now, and I see all the details that were worked out before I arrived on the scene, I understand the reason for the wait.
And this was just a job. How much more carefully do you think he takes care of our hearts?
Here's the thing - that God, the one holding the blueprints, and the universe, and the foundation of time - you either believe he can do anything or you don't. When it comes to us and the love he has for us, there are no categories for our dreams as if we should expect some not to happen because they are too hard for him.
If he loves us enough to sacrifice his only son, then all bets are off. I would never pity someone who was loved that much.
By design, in life and in love, the grand scheme doesn't leave a lot of room for sorry.
P.S. You can keep the change.
Instead of Asking Why
First published June 27, 2017
We’ve all heard that you should never ask why. Never ask - why did this happen?
You probably wouldn’t like the answer and it’s not going to change the outcome anyway.
Lately, I’ve heard that instead of asking “why” we should ask “what next?” This allows us to focus our energies on doing something practical with whatever situation we feel we’ve been unfairly served, or at minimum, not focus so much on the hurt. But even “what next” has a way of keeping our eyes on a particular circumstance.
Just last week a friend shared something with me that goes beyond “why” and “what next” and has changed how I view certain seasons I simply can’t explain or understand my way out of.
She told me to try asking God – what does this mean for us? What does this mean for my relationship with you, God? And most importantly:
Who do you want to be for me right now?
Wow.
I recently experienced a difficult situation where even asking “what next” didn’t make sense. I walked into something convinced I would learn all the answers. Instead, I walked out with even more questions and a whole lot of hurt. There was no next. There is still no next. It simply … is.
I am next-less.
But I can ask God what and who he wants to be for me now. And the answer is so many things!
I’m guessing you’ve been through a rough time or two where there wasn’t a clear next in view.
The job you worked so hard for, and lost. The man who promised you forever, but whose definition of monogamous was one at a time. The reconciliation you hoped for that lead to further estrangement. The annual check-up that turned into a life-threatening diagnosis.
The fight you had that felt like it was having you.
In all these things, we can ask – God, what does this mean for us? Who do you want to be for me now?
Read what the bible tells us about God being our father, our healer, our provider, and comforter. And when it still hurts, it tells us he is our peace.
Maybe he’s taking you to a new place in how you relate to him or to others. Maybe he’s asking you to trust him in ways you haven’t before – to let him be someone you haven’t allowed him to be yet.
Don’t settle for asking why. Ask for more of him.
36 Lessons in 36 Years
First published November 25, 2017
Each year around my birthday, I like to reflect on the last year and think about where I’m headed. This year I thought I would do something a little different. Here are 36 lessons I’ve learned in 36 years.
1.) God is faithful even when I'm not. He's not mad it's taken me so long to figure this out.
2.) Give yourself the same grace and understanding you give to others.
3.) It doesn't matter how smart, funny, kind, hard-working, loyal, or pretty you are if the guy isn't ready.
4.) Your body is a house you live in, not an apartment you're renting. Treat it accordingly.
5.) Exercise, vegetables, and water are a girl's best friend.
6.) Lots of #5 = very little need for coffee. Imagine not needing it.
7.) Don't assume your life will look a certain way by a certain point. It probably won't.
8.) Learn what your boundaries are. Teach them to others.
9.) You can never fix, change, or save anyone. Only God can do that.
10.) Talking about big, scary things makes them seem surprisingly small. Don't be afraid to share. Make sure it's with the right person.
11.) Take note of friends who stand by you even when your life stages look different. These people are rare.
12.) It doesn't matter what your situation looks like - you *always* have something to offer.
13.) When you're walking with God, no season - no matter how pointless or empty it may seem - is ever wasted.
14.) Don't worry about what other people are doing. Stay in your lane.
15.) Find a good financial advisor early and pay attention.
16.) What God has given you is yours to manage, not to hoard. How well are you minding the store?
17.) You don't need to be busy all the time - it's not productive; it's crazy.
18.) The road to any reconciliation begins with recognizing how patient God has already been with you. See #1.
19.) Plan to deviate.
20.) It's not about you. It never has been.
21.) There is a difference between being valued and being wanted. Learn it.
22.) People who say your life won’t really have meaning until you have children are confusing the word purpose with the word priority. Buy them a dictionary. Your purpose is never tied to any person or circumstance.
23.) People who categorize your dreams as if some are more likely to happen than others don't know their history. Buy them a bible. The seas, walls, and doors may look different, but God still parts, smashes, and kicks wide open.
24.) Vacation spots, cars, retirement, men: do your homework.
25.) When you refuse to settle for anything less than the best, you very often get it.
26.) You don't really *need* the shoes. Really.
27.) Don't ask ‘why?’ or ‘what next?’ Ask God who he wants to be for you in the middle of whatever it is. It will change everything.
28.) Don't fear failing miserably - when you have nothing left, you have nothing left to lose.
29.) When you're 26 and single, everyone thinks you're adorable. When you're 36 and single, some try not to make eye contact. Who you are doesn't change because their treatment of you does. And if you stop getting invited to the parties, start throwing your own.
30.) Don't think because something is a long time coming that it will never happen. God doesn't mass-produce miracles or the small details of your life. He designs them for you. The answers to your prayers are tailor-made.
31.) No one wakes up one morning and decides to be ______ (mean, bitter, vindictive, brainwashed, fill in the blank). It's usually years in the making - lies being more reinforced than the truth. Reserve your judgments and make time to learn their story. We all have one and we all long to be known.
32.) Stop worrying about being someone else's definition of enough. You are more than enough.
33.) Learn how to say 'no' without apologizing.
34.) Anything can happen. Anything happens all the time.
35.) The older you get, the more your view of love changes. Most of life is not made up of exhilarating highs and devastating lows. Most of life is the every day. Look for the person who is happy to do those days with you. That's love.
36.) God doesn't skip over the process. He doesn't wait to show up at the finish line after all the work is done. He will climb down into the middle of your mess, if you let him. You are never alone.
And one more thing...
Not every ending is happy, and that's ok. The most beautiful results often come from the most broken situations.
In the Details
First published September 7, 2016
After years of being out of school, I find myself heading back again this time as a student of life and experience. A few years ago I stumbled into a career I would have never chosen. Actually it was more like I tripped and fell flat on my face into it. I became angry with God for what seemed to be a waste of my time. And when I first told people I was a meeting planner, they would scrunch up their faces and tilt their heads to one side. That’s a job?
It is a job – a very difficult, sometimes exciting, often exhausting job. And now that I’m three years in, I am eligible to become a Certified Meeting Planner, which is basically recognition for the skills I’ve been putting into place every day for the last 36 months. It may also open doors to better opportunities in the field. What began looking like time wasted is suddenly looking like time invested. Funny how that happens.
I have my books, joined a study group, and hope to test by the end of the year. I don’t think most people have any idea what goes into planning a meeting for hundreds of people that lasts four consecutive days, and I don’t think I fully recognized it until I cracked open my books. There are 10 different domains, each with its own subset of skills for a total of 30 different areas that go into managing an event.
For example, did you know there is a name for someone who lingers in the common areas of an event space for the purpose of soliciting? Up until recently, I didn’t either. But I do know how many gallons of coffee to order so there is enough for everyone, but I’m not wasting money. I know how to write an RFP so I get the best and most accurate proposals from potential sites. I know how to create a budget and work within it. I’ve taught myself about contract language so I know exactly what we’re getting into when I sign my name on that line – and where I can push a little harder to get a better deal.
This job is definitely in the details. And the whole time they are meeting, the attendees go about their day completely oblivious to everything that went on behind the scenes to make each puzzle piece fit together. When I do my job well, they don’t need to think about it, and most of the time, they don’t even see me.
God is the same way. So why do we stress about the little things?
Ironically enough, the document I carry with me to each event is lovingly titled, “Event Bible”. That’s because those 15 or more pages contain the specifics of each hour of the event: how many chairs we need at 9:00 am, what time the keynote speaker gets picked up at the airport, what snack is being served in the afternoon, and when the entertainment arrives. Every microphone, musician, and martini is accounted for in that document.
But there are still things I miss. I’m only human. Someone’s name is spelled wrong on their badge or I miscounted the place settings. The key is to not take it seriously and know how to think on your feet when problems arise, because they will always pop up.
The beautiful thing about the details of my life is that God never misses any of them. No part of what I walk through gets overlooked. Whether it looks good or it looks bad, He is always behind the scenes making sure the pieces fit. I can’t see him, and I don’t need to worry about it because that’s His job.
He reminded me of this the other day as I was letting my mind drift to the “what if’s”. What if this doesn’t work out, or what if that doesn’t happen when I think it should. Unlike a meeting planner (or me) who may forget something, God never forgets. My name is etched on his palm, and it’s spelled correctly. There is always a place setting for me at His table.
Matthew 6:26 says consider the birds of the air. They don’t sow or reap and God still feeds them. Aren’t we more valuable than them? Matthew 10:30 tells us even the hairs on our heads are numbered. That’s attention to detail. That’s something that on their best day, no meeting planner would know (nor would they want to know!).
But while job duty calls us meeting planners to be concerned with details, it’s the unfailing love of God that invokes the response He has toward us to not miss a thing- to know every detail of our lives and make it all work for our good.
I think about those pages of my “bible” and everything I keep track of, and that’s just for four days. God tracks with us each hour for our whole lives. I’m grateful to have Him as my planner, behind the scenes, and with me every step of the way.
What is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? – Psalm 8:4
Some Thoughts on San Bernardino
First published December 4, 2015
In the wake of the deadliest mass shooting since Sandy Hook three years ago, the publishers of NY Daily News made their frustration with praying lawmakers who fail to enact stricter gun controls very clear with a headline that reads, "God Isn't Fixing This".
And my heart aches.
My heart aches for the victims, and the confusion and fear they must have felt. My heart aches for their loved ones, some of whom waited hours while bus after bus dropped survivors off at a gym, only to finally be told there were no more buses coming.
My heart aches for the authorities who bore the burden of sitting those loved ones down, one by one, to break the heart-breaking news.
Believe it or not, my heart also aches for Syed Farook and Tashfeen Malik because I wish they knew the God I know, who doesn’t fix things because He makes all things new.
And I wish with all my heart they understood the power behind the love He had for them, even at their weakest. I wish they comprehended the magnitude of His grace for them, even at their darkest. I wish they experienced the transformation that occurs with one touch of that love.
This issue is so much bigger than guns, or terrorists, or ISIS. It’s bigger than the law of the land that seeks to put a stamp on it, shut the office lights off and go home. This is about a hurting world and the human heart.
When this country was new, our Founding Fathers seemed to be on to something the world has long since dismissed. It’s the idea that a submission to God equals a protection by God and a favor from God. That’s why they made us one nation under God.
They saw God’s principles as vital not just to the order of their daily lives, but to the order of a nation. Thomas Jefferson’s letter to a group of concerned Baptists that mentions a wall of separation between church and state referred only to protecting the church from government control.
In fact when a group petitioned Congress to separate Christian principles from government in 1853, the response was that “…any attempt to war against Christianity would have been strangled in its cradle”, because, they said, “In this age, there is no substitute for Christianity.”
But in 1992, those handful of words referencing church and state had been pulled from Jefferson’s letter and used so frequently in court cases since the 1940s that the Supreme Court stated the unthinkable, “At the heart of liberty is the right to define one’s own concept of existence, of meaning, of the universe, and of the mystery of human life.”
I wonder how Syed’s existence would have been defined if he had let God do the defining.
There is a popular portrait that depicts Jesus knocking on a closed door. The door is meant to represent the human heart. If you look closely, something is missing. There is no handle on the outside of the door.
There is no way in unless it is opened from the inside. Maybe that's because Jesus never went where he wasn't invited. Ever the gentleman, he has to be asked. He will not go where he is not wanted.
And sadly, the world doesn't want him. Because the world doesn’t know him.
I agree some action must be taken on the part of mankind. We were never called to sit idly by and watch any form of injustice flourish. Maybe in the case of the San Bernardino shootings, stricter gun controls would have prevented this.
But then what?
You're still left with a man and woman who just didn’t see things like other people do. What if they used a bomb instead because a law prevented them from obtaining guns?
A Huffington Post article reported that the couple had more than 1,600 bullets on them when they were killed. Waiting at home were 12 pipe bombs, tools to make more explosives, and more than 3,000 rounds of ammunition.
Someone who knew Syed said, "This was a person who was successful, who had a good job, a good income, a wife and a family. What was he missing in his life?" Was it more money, a better job, more friends, or simply to just be heard and accepted?
The answer is none of it.
No matter how hard you try, nothing can fill a hole that is created to be filled by something else.
When a potter fashions a bowl, shaping it and molding it and causing it to have form, does the bowl then fill itself? No. That bowl remains empty until the potter fills it.
The God who formed Syed and Tashfeen, with such an incredible purpose in mind, is the only one who could have fulfilled them.
The law may seek to reign in behavior. It may even succeed. But it doesn't change the heart.
There are deeper rooted issues at hand that no law can change. I'm not saying that we shouldn't enact laws that will protect us. I'm simply saying until we get past the behavior to the heart underneath it, we will continue to see this violence.
Whatever the cause, God does have an answer. It's not in the rules we follow, songs we sing, chants we hum, or peace we manifest inside ourselves. It’s not in the life we think we design, the job we think we’ve earned, or the money we think secures.
The answer is simply found in Him.
It’s found in meeting a loving, merciful Father who has never not existed and is bound by nothing.
It’s found in trusting the God who keeps the earth from crashing into the sun, and still hears every prayer you pray.
It’s found in a relationship with the God who bled on a cross to save you, wrestled with hell to win you, defeated the grave to redeem you, and still catches every tear you cry in a bottle.
Nothing is too big for Him to overcome.
Nothing is too small for Him to notice.
Every piece of your heart, however broken, is held by hands that were strong enough to tear death to shreds and safe enough to steady the raging seas.
God doesn’t fix things. He replaces the broken with something brand new. This isn't a gun issue. It's not a Muslim or terrorist issue. It's not a Republican or Democrat issue. It's not an ‘us’ or ‘them’ issue. It’s not a law issue. Since time began, this has been a heart issue.
And only God can make hearts new.
John 3:16-19
2 Corinthians 5:17
Psalm 97:1-6
Psalm 139
When You Can Do No More
First published October 9, 2015
Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will never slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
Sometimes, there's nothing left to do.
You've explored all options. Worked. Tried. Called. Talked. Listened. Read. Wrote. Watched. Prayed.
And maybe it's not enough. Sleep still won't come. So you toss, turn, roll, sweat, weep, wait. But staying awake won't get any more done. And it fully succeeds in robbing tonight and tomorrow. Tonight of its dreams and tomorrow of its promise.
But you don't need to carry the burden anymore. Because the God who created the night and the day never sleeps. He doesn't slumber. He can't. Because He's watching over you.
Once upon a time, God separated the light from the dark. There was evening and there was morning - the first day. That first day began with evening.
And because He always finishes what He starts, He kept working the next day. And the next day. And the next day. And the next day. Each day in the very beginning was marked by evening and morning. Evening was always first.
When your day is ending and you've exhausted all options, He is just getting started. He is working while you sleep. His best work is done when you are at rest. While you are resting, He is readying. Under the cloak of darkness, when you cannot see, He is fighting on your behalf. He is aligning the circumstances of your life. He is scripting the details that will weave together so magically that your breath will be taken away when you awaken one day to realize just how well He knows you. Better than anyone else. Better than you know yourself.
Close your mind to what is beyond your control, your grasp, your reach. All that is outside your ability to comprehend. Tame your thoughts. Whatever is hard or half-finished is held in His hands. All the days that came before you and the ones you haven't lived yet are held there, too. Breathe in deeply the truth that as you are settling in, He is rising up.
So sleep. Rest your head and close your eyes because the heavens are rustling and beginning what only they can finish.
You can sleep because He never will.
Lean In Part 2
First published September 25, 2015
If it matters to you, it matters to God. And when it comes to God, sometimes not doing is the best thing we can do.
I'm a little emotional as I write this because it deals with feelings that have recently hit close to home: how frustrating it feels when I can't fix something myself, and how scared I feel when I have to put something in someone else's hands.
In my last post, I talked about the importance of learning to lean in to situations at work, or even entire jobs, that are uncomfortable or undesirable - how when we do this, no part of whatever we are experiencing will be wasted. It may even be preparing us for something better in the future.
It should come as no surprise that when I love what I'm doing, and I'm doing good work, I seriously lean in - almost to the point of toppling over. What I mean is that it's not a stretch for me to suggest getting great at a job you're not thrilled with because whether things are good or bad, I'm a bit of a workaholic.
Work is my thing.
The problem comes when I start believing that it's my work alone that can change my circumstances. For the last few years, I've tried tirelessly to alter a course I'm on, and every time I get close enough to touch it, I wake up still in the same lane.
The truth is I can learn all I am able to about a job and do difficult things with a smile. I can be the best example of a dedicated employee and leave things better than I found them. I can lean in as close as I can get, but underneath it there is still hurt, confusion, and sometimes bitterness about the wrong turn that led me here in the first place. The only thing that will change the heart of the matter - change the heart in me - is prayer.
Prayer is leaning in to God.
Prayer is not something that comes easily to a take-charge kind of woman like me. I like my house in order, my finances in order, and especially my career in order. After all, I spend more time at work than anywhere else. I always have a plan and two to back it up. Prayer sometimes feels like I'm sitting on my hands. How can anything change if I'm not doing anything?
Giving my current situation over to prayer at first felt like a forfeiture. The dictionary defines the word as something that is lost or given up as punishment or because of a rule or law. Letting go of my 'right' to fight this on my own really felt like a punishment. I had lost. But there is a difference between forfeiting and surrendering. Surrender is the act of giving control to someone else and allowing yourself to be influenced by that person.
Surrender is agreeing to stop fighting because you know you will not win.
In all my fighting and striving to make things right, I had to reach a point where it became apparent: I am not going to win this. Not on my own.
God talks a lot about surrender. I am reminded in Matthew 6:26 to look at the birds. They never work or store food, and still God takes care of them. I am certainly more valuable than the birds. Later, Matthew 11:30 tells me that God's yoke is easy and his burden is light. Surrendering to God in prayer means that I experience a sense of peace because now He is doing the work that only He can. The work that I'm not meant to do.
And if that weren't enough, Philippians 4:6 takes all the guesswork out of it: Worry about nothing. Pray about everything.
Everything is a lot. And even work is included.
If it's something you would normally worry about, then it's fair game. Your job, your boss, your promotion, your presentation, your co-workers....I could go on, but the point is that some of these worries will be small and some will be big. Some will be so very big that they keep you awake at night wondering how one paycheck will last until the next one or how you will ever find your way back to work that makes your face light up whenever you talk about it - because it's that good.
When the worry comes in, it's time to lean in.
I just started a new Bible study that was written by Priscilla Shirer who also stars in the movie War Room. The film looks at the life of a family who seems to have it all, but is crumbling underneath. The wife then meets Miss Clara and is encouraged to establish a war room in her home - essentially a place where she can do battle in prayer.
Even though I'm only one session in to the Bible study, I can already tell this book will soon be tattered and the binding broken. Entitled, 'The Armor of God', it looks at the very real enemy of God who would like nothing more than to see me worry about work, and fight to make it right on my own, and hide in my pride so I never ask for help - so I never pray.
Just flipping through it I can see it's going to encourage me to write strategies for my prayers, to post them where I can be reminded of them, and above all, have a quiet space where I can pray them through. This will be where I lean in to God about a crushed career and hopeless hopes, and of course many other things that have nothing to do with work. It will be where I surrender (not forfeit) because I have human limits to what I can accomplish and how far I can go.
But God doesn't.
When I'm at my weakest, He is still strong. And the more I lean in to my prayers, the more I lean in to God, the smaller the circumstances will seem, and the knowledge that He will take care of it all will fill the whole room. Unlike my own energy that drains after a time, and becomes fatigued when I've been spinning my wheels too long, I can lean in to God whenever I want. Over and over. About everything. And unlike my resources, His can never be exhausted.
Lean in by praying - that is your work. Winning the battle is God's.
Lean In
First published September 18, 2015
I was watching an old episode of Scandal the other night. For those not familiar with the show, it's based on the life of a Washington D.C. woman whose ability to solve complex and often illegal problems within and outside the White House has earned her the title of "Fixer". When she is trying to get her clients out of difficult situations or into some better light, one phrase in particular is often on repeat, "We need to change the conversation."
In this episode, the First Lady is running for Senate, but the last city on the campaign trail was where her son had been murdered in front of her not long before. To add insult to injury, the entire speech drafted on her behalf was about her dead son. Her campaign manager (not the "Fixer") pleads with her about how much these votes are needed, and how discussing this very painful topic would make her more relatable to constituents. All the while the First Lady is wringing her hands in the air because she just can't bring herself to go. She asks her campaign manager how she could be expected to deliver this speech and exploit the death of her son. "I don't want you to exploit the situation," her campaign manager responds. "I just want you to lean into it."
Ouch.
When bad, even tragic things happen in our lives, our response is to turn away from what has hurt us. Nothing could be worse than revisiting a person, a situation, or even a memory that caused us pain. We don't want to lean into that; we want to push it away. We want to create a distance between ourselves and what is causing us to hurt or stay in the past. But sometimes I'm learning, the only way to get past something is to go through it because there's no getting around it. It's true in life, and it's true in work.
I found myself in this situation only a couple years ago. I left a decent job for one that held all the promise of professional fulfillment, career advancement, and financial stability. I quickly learned those promises were empty ones, void of any truth or substance to back them up. My daily professional life was a nightmare. Even though it's been a couple years since I left, it's still difficult to describe how I felt and what I went through. And try as I might, there has been no getting around what resulted from my choice to work there. I have to walk through it.
But I don't want to walk blindly, and I certainly don't ever want any season to be wasted. Regardless of what I'm walking through, I want my eyes wide open and I want to be alert to the possibilities around me. I want to make the most out of the situation I'm in. I want to take something that started out as bad, and turn it into something good. No, great!
This is leaning in.
I could easily shuffle through my days as they turn into weeks and years, doing the bare minimum at my current position and focusing my attention elsewhere. But what if I changed the conversation? Instead of seeing my current position as merely a detour or a stepping stone (which it very well may turn out to be), what if I gave it my full attention? What if I go to work everyday with the idea that I can make a difference no matter where I am?
This was difficult for me at first. The job I took when I left the last one was very different from my previous jobs. I couldn't use much of my prior experience, and instead, was thrust into situations where I had to learn new things. Uncomfortable would be an understatement. I carried a lot of bitterness as a result of what my previous company put me through, and I just wanted what was familiar and to do work I already knew I succeeded at.
Slowly, I began to learn my job - really learn it. I learned it (and am still learning) in a way that not only has me feeling comfortable, but feeling like I can take it to another level - offer suggestions for new ideas, overhaul old processes for new ones with better results, and be creative with my tasks.
When discouragement finds its way to my heart, I'm reminded that leaning in was actually God's idea in the first place. Colossians 3:23 says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters." Long before the choices that got me here were made, He knew there would be times when maybe my heart just wouldn't be in something. But that doesn't mean I can't give it my all, because even if I don't receive credit for it, even if no one sees, and even if it feels so far from the work I love doing - He sees and He knows, and I do good work because good is the only thing my work should be. Otherwise, there's no point.
So, if you answer phones all day - answer them with a smile on your face. The person on the other end of the phone will hear it in your voice. Be the friendliest and most helpful you can be. Even if you don't have the answers; go find them. If your job entails ordering food and delivering it, you enjoy that drive and time out of the office. Maybe strike up a conversation with whoever you purchase the food from. If you spend your days in a copy room compiling handouts for a meeting - show your boss how efficient you can be. Finish that copying before it's expected, and while you're at it, leave that copy room cleaner than you found it.
I can encourage you in this because I have been there myself. Through all the mundane and monotonous, there is joy to be found in giving something your best. And who's to say that the work that doesn't make sense to you now isn't preparing you for greater responsibility later? Maybe your sales numbers are too low to bother counting, but maybe you are gaining ground in leading or multitasking or something else that can't be measured on a resume, but is invaluable to an employer.
If you find yourself in a work situation that is less than desirable or not what you thought, don't shy away. Don't keep yourself at a distance from it. Dive in head first. Learn all you can. Get so good at it that you can be proud. Get so close to it that your perspective changes.
Lean all the way in.
I’m (Not) Sorry
First published September 7, 2015
Women apologize for too many things at work that they have no business being sorry for.
There. I said it. And I'm not sorry.
Do you ever stop to think about the number of times that phrase comes out of your mouth at work? I do. I'm sorry for knocking on the office door, even though it's time for our meeting. I'm sorry for requesting time off, even though I have more than enough time to cover it. I'm sorry for sharing my opinion in a meeting, even though it's *my job* to have an opinion on the topic. I was hired to have an opinion on the topic. I get paid - to have an opinion on the topic, and to bring my expertise and experience in general to wherever I'm working.
And still, we apologize. A lot. If we aren't saying "I'm sorry", we're probably doing something that shows we are, like taking on more work that we can handle so as not to rock the boat.
Why are we sorry? Is it because we have genuinely done something wrong? I'm going to venture it's because, unlike many men, we don't feel empowered enough to be standing where we are and doing what we're doing.
We don't want to be a bother or a burden. We don't want to step up or speak out. For so many years, a woman's place was in the home, and although much has changed over the years, I don't know that we ever really gave ourselves permission to take our places in the work force, if that is where we want to be. I also think this sentiment is not just something we struggle with - it's evident nationwide.
On average, full-time working women earn just 77 cents for every dollar a man earns. So, even if we don't feel the need to apologize for ourselves, the rest of the world does it for us by paying us less to do the same job (and in most instances, probably to do it just as well.)
Being a career-focused woman myself and also a Christ follower, I used to wonder if my apologies, whether in words or actions, were rooted in something bigger - like maybe I wasn't supposed to be reaching for success in my career. That was until I came across something interesting in Proverbs 31. This chapter of the Bible discusses what a Godly woman should be like, describing her as "the wife of noble character". She cooks, she cleans, she makes clothes, she takes care of her husband and her children, and is the epitome of patience and grace.
And then I get to verses 16-18: "She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night."
It seems this Proverbs 31 woman - this wife of noble character - in addition to being a great homemaker, was also quite the little business woman. You go girl!
With everything she accomplished, both at home for her family *and* in her work, I don't read anything about her shrinking back from earning money or making profitable trades. And she certainly wasn't apologizing for being good at all of it.
Being a woman in today's workplace, I always want to walk the fine line between bringing grace and kindness to those around me and being firm and speaking my mind when necessary. Sometimes conversations might be difficult to have. Sometimes, I might have to repeat myself or change the way I'm saying something to get my point across. I also want to keep pursuing areas where I know I succeed and I want to keep doing good work.
It won't always be easy to find my place or make my way, but regardless of the circumstances, I will have worked hard to get where I'm headed in my career. I will have made sacrifices and I will have given my all.
I'm not going to be sorry for that.
The Liebster Award
First published September 2, 2015
I launched my blog this past Sunday. Today (Tuesday), I was nominated for the Liebster Award!
The Liebster Award is given to new bloggers, usually those with less than 200 followers, by other bloggers as a way to support one another as we grow our blogs.
I want to thank Mandie Wickham for nominating me. Definitely check out The Yellow Dog and Pink Pig. She's got a little something for everyone!
While it may seem like this all came together quickly, it's been a very long time in the making, as most good work is. A career choice I made a few years ago left me feeling disillusioned and not quite sure of myself. At a conference I recently attended I stumbled upon this obscure little sign tucked away in a corner near registration. It read, "All my yesterdays gave me today."
I instantly thought of Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Yes, you have been called and yes, you have a purpose.
It might take a long time and it might mean walking through some difficult circumstances, but then - usually suddenly and all at once - things will begin to fall into place and start to make sense again. It can sometimes take years of yesterdays until you reach your today. I may still be brand new at this, and nothing may ever come of it, but just starting this blog was the culmination of a lot of yesterdays for me.
Moving on to my nomination, these are the questions Mandie asked me to answer:
1. What is the name of your blog and what is it’s significance? - My blog is called Good Work. When you think about the number of hours in a day, most of them are spent at work. I want this to be a place women feel comfortable talking about their professional lives, while I also share my experiences and stories. I also wanted to create a space that allows us all to share our passions and our successes - it's great to love what you do!
2. What would be the title of your autobiography? - Great question! You have me stumped. When I write it, I'll let you know. :-)
3. What is one thing you cannot live without? - Water! I usually aim for 8-10 glasses a day. It's an absolute must to keep me running on all cylinders.
4. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Your blog? - I hope I continue to have opportunities to do good work - both full-time in my career, as well as volunteering. My passion is public relations, but it feels so much better when I'm using it to help people. I would also love to have a family. As for my blog, I would like to see how the first month goes (haha). Obviously, it would be wonderful if it grew, although I don't think I could make it my full-time job. I need to be in an office with people.
5. What movie star would you want to cast as yourself? - Probably either Cameron Diaz or Reese Witherspoon. I love their spunkiness and they both have a great sense of humor.
While I want to encourage all you new bloggers to keep pursuing your passion, there are a few I want to nominate for this award. They are:
Abby - Get Out Dear
Stephanie - Sense of Sunny
Chrissa - Physical Kitchness
Ladies, here are some questions I have for you:
What made you want to start your blog?
What has given you the most sense of accomplishment and why?
What is one thing you love to do in your down time?
If you could give advice to someone who is about to start a blog, what would it be?
If your best friend had to pick one word to describe you, what would it be?
Each of these ladies inspired me differently as I explored their blogs, and I encourage you to visit their sites and leave them some love for all the good work they're doing!
Abby, Stephanie, and Chrissa - there are a few guidelines if you would like to nominate someone:
Post your nomination to your blog.
Answer the questions asked by the person who nominated you.
Nominate a small group of other new bloggers.
Ask them several questions.
Don't forget to give a shout out to the person who nominated you.
Thanks again to Mandie for your nomination! I'm excited about this new adventure and seeing where it may lead!
Forget the Past
First published August 17, 2015
The other night I couldn’t sleep. Thoughts kept running through my mind about my job. I took a chance on something I thought would be an amazing opportunity and it ended up being so far from amazing.
If only…
My thoughts keep me awake. I feel restless and anxious. I toss and turn and watch the minutes go by - robbed of my sleep and robbed of my peace.
Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes we miss a deadline. We speak when we should stay quiet. We slack off when we should stay late. Sometimes the mistake affects us on a larger scale. Our title changes, our finances change, and when this happens our life can drastically change. The key is to not let one mistake (even a big one) keep us awake at night.
When I realized the thoughts weren’t going away on their own, I did something we should all do when the night lacks sleep and peace. I quieted myself before God, and I opened His word. If you don’t have the Bible app on your phone, I highly recommend it. Not only does it offer numerous devotionals and studies, but it has this awesome bookmark feature that allows you to save your favorite verses and refer back to them any time.
God showed me a verse I saved months ago in Isaiah (43:18-19)… ‘Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.’
How can I forget about what’s happened? What if it’s more than not receiving credit for a project, or being passed over for a promotion? Can I really leave that situation in the past when I’m still living in its aftermath?
Look at Isaiah 43:16-17. It asks us to hear what God has to say, but first it describes the God we are to listen to: ‘This is what God says, the God who builds a road right through the ocean, who carves a path through pounding waves…’
It’s no accident this description was included. It doesn’t describe God as pointing us to a road leading out of the ocean. It doesn’t say he showed us a path through the waves. No, our God builds and carves.
He creates something out of nothing.
Maybe you’ve made a huge mess out of your career. Maybe it’s not what you thought, and you’re miles away from where you want to be. It was one mistake. It’s one detour. Forget the past – don’t keep going over it and over it in your mind. Any wrong you’ve done can’t cancel out the right He is doing. Remember, God can make something out of nothing, including your career.
My Harshest Critic
First published August 11, 2015
I had the awesome opportunity to attend the She Speaks conference at the end of July, and I can’t say enough good things about it. Whether a writer or a speaker, this two-day event was designed to help you become better. Lysa Terkeurst and team did an amazing job. I laughed. I learned. One thing I didn’t do was leave the same person I was when I arrived.
For almost a year-and-a-half, I allowed a critic, and a harsh one at that, be the voice – the only voice – that got in my head and tore me down. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, I did was ever good enough. And because I allowed my work to define me, her voice is what shaped me. But, while she might have been the person who signed my evaluations, she was not the God who justified my existence.
In the two short days I spent at She Speaks, I felt more encouraged, more uplifted, and more validated than I felt in a really long time. So what made the difference?
The voice I listened to.
From the early morning worship sessions to the last closing prayer, I was surrounded by voices preaching from their hearts, speaking life into my ideas, and creating an atmosphere where God could be present. But I can’t let this atmosphere just be something I experience in a conference setting. I need to daily surround myself with what He thinks and says about me.
There will always be voices that speak negatively. There will always be someone tearing us down instead of building us up. There will always be critics. When work is such a huge part of who you are, it’s hard not to take it personally. Aligning your thoughts with God’s heart towards you will help silence those voices, and allow you to rise up to the level where He created you to succeed.
I don’t need to be at a conference to open my bible, and I certainly don’t need to hop on a plane to worship or hear the word of God. I just need to let the voice of my harshest critic be drowned out by the voice of God, who in a whisper, can speak more encouragement over me that I could ever possibly imagine!