Don’t Be Afraid To Love What You Do

First published August 14, 2015

I am different from other women.

I don’t have a husband. I don’t have children. I do have a job, and deadlines, and friends, and free time, and choices to make about how to spend it, and a home I purchased, and a retirement fund.

I have a love for my work, even though that work has changed a lot in the last few years. Work is what energizes me. When it comes to some of the projects I am most proud of, I sound a lot like most women sound when they see a new baby: my voice goes up an octave, and I start clapping and cooing a bit. I have often said that some of my best projects were like children to me, and when I watched them succeed, well, those were like family milestones.

For many years, I let this difference make me feel less-than. I looked at all the other women around me who married young, had multiple babies, and never talked about work, and I felt inferior. I felt un-relatable, and often, unnoticeable. Somehow I didn’t have as much to bring to the table because building a family was seen as time invested, while cultivating a career was seen as time wasted. I couldn’t join the moms group, and I certainly couldn’t join in the conversations they were having. As a result, I thought I had nothing to offer. How could I relate or make a difference when I was so different from everyone around me?

And then it hit me. I couldn’t.

But maybe that’s the point. Maybe I’m not meant to reach this vast group of women who trade DIY project instructions, and swap clothes every time another child is born. Maybe, just maybe, I need to look past what is directly in front of me, and see what is beyond me. There could be others out there who are different, too. Maybe I was meant to be different on purpose.

Psalm 139: 13-15 says: For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

I was hand-stitched in a dimension no one but God could see. He knew what He was doing when He wove together the drive I have for discipline in my work. He foresaw my passion for projects. He wrote the codes that make me perk up when ideas go from brainstorming to fruition, and I can hold them in my hand. Notice what that verse does not say. It doesn’t say, “I hide the woman I am because I’m not like the others.” Notice it doesn’t say, “I keep to myself until I’m exactly like the other women.” It says that I praise you because of how I am made. It says God’s works are wonderful! I should know that full well!

It’s true that being different can be difficult. I often feel like people don’t know quite what to do with me. Or what to say. They will talk to me about the season (“So how’s your summer going?”) or ask me how my house is. It’s still standing, so that’s good. But, somehow, conversation never goes past that. It’s as if without a family of my own, there’s nothing else really to say.

But I have a lot to say.

The truth is, work is important to me, and I want to talk about it. I’m not saying that work should be your number one priority. I certainly learned the hard way what happens when you place career above all else. But what happens if you don’t have a family of your own yet? Would it be right to ignore a prompt to move in a certain direction professionally simply because you’re waiting for life events to fall into place personally? Are family matters the only ones worth having dialogues about?

I’ve had the opportunity to try and do so many things that I love in other areas of my life. Yes, it may look different, but they are still things I enjoy discussing. I’ve taken chances with jobs – some have worked out better than others, but there are lessons to share and stories to tell. I love to bake, so I started selling cupcakes. I love to write so I turned my journal into a blog.

But I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve been told by a woman that work can’t define me, and then her “About” page describes her as a wife and mother. So in essence, she defines herself by roles she has assumed thanks to someone else. She is defining herself by things she is passionate about; it’s just different than my passion.

Does a woman stop being a mother during the hours her child is in school? I wonder what would happen if I told a friend (which I never would, by the way) that she couldn’t talk about her child between the hours of 9 am and 3 pm because technically, she’s off the clock. Pretty ridiculous, right? A woman doesn’t stop being a mom because her child is in a different location. I don’t stop being a professional because it’s Saturday and not Tuesday. Yes, I take a break, and I love my downtime, but doing what I do will always be a part of me.

Would I love to be married? Absolutely. Children? It would be an honor. But right now, there are other loves that have been placed on my heart, and I want to feel free in celebrating them.

If you’re passionate about your work, stay that way! Embrace who you are in Him, and praise Him for the way He made you. Someone else out there feels the exact same way. Don’t stop talking about what you love to do. And if you avoid discussing what you love, you need to start. Tell anyone who will listen. If you feel called to lead, or speak, or teach, or write, do it with all your heart! Don’t silence your voice because it sounds different. Different might just be what someone else needs to see and hear.

The world could use a few more women who aren’t afraid to love what they do!