I Wish I Was a Quitter
First published March 11, 2016
I wish I had given up. I wish I had turned back and walked out. I wish I had quit.
When it comes to work, no one likes a quitter. But is there ever a time when it’s ok to just give up? I believe there is, and I wish I had done it.
Only a handful of years ago, I left a pretty decent job for one I thought would take me to new professional levels. I definitely reached new levels – ones of stress, humiliation, and even physical sickness. Start with an office culture as hostile as Germany during WWII. Add a boss who thought nothing was ever good enough. Toss around a few trips to the hospital because construction resulted in dozens of sick employees, and you have yourself a recipe for a job that was nearly impossible to digest.
I eventually moved on about a year later, but I consider it one of my biggest failures that I didn’t walk out sooner.
There came a point about three months in when I sensed I made a mistake. But could I really turn back to where I worked before and not see this thing through? Yes! That’s exactly what I should have done. I would have spared myself months of agony.
So often I think we get too caught up in proving ourselves that we forget it is okay to admit we made a mistake. That’s not weakness. That’s being strong enough to walk away from something that isn’t right.
We tell ourselves we need to work harder or do better, when in reality, maybe it’s the company that isn’t working for us, and we would do well to disassociate ourselves from it.
Here are some things to think about before you decide if giving up on that new job is the right thing to do.
1. Office culture – Work is not play. But there should be some level of comfort in your work environment. Are you able to be yourself? Is everyone around you upset or unhappy? Ask yourself questions about what you’re used to and how much change you can really be ok with. Every culture will have things you will need to get used to, but make sure those elements aren’t so restrictive or unattainable that they border on abusive.
2. Staff turnover – This is a big one and something we don’t often think about. I never used to ask about this in interviews, but I do now – every time. In the year I was at this particular company, more than 400 people began working there and were subsequently fired, or just walked out. That’s a lot of change, and it affected me on more than one occasion. Put some thought into how you would feel if there was a new manager every other month, or if your point person on a project changed several times throughout the course of that project. If staff don’t stay, there’s a problem somewhere and it’s usually not with the people leaving.
3. Health – You deserve to work in an environment that doesn’t cause you to feel sick – emotionally or physically. We’ve all been up against deadlines that cause us some amount of stress or had a co-worker that gets on our nerves and this is normal. This can often even be good for us as we test our limits and see what we’re made of. But what I’m referring to is something more. When work makes you sick, either physically right away or in symptoms of stress that manifest themselves physically later on, it’s time to reconsider where you spend your time every day. If you find yourself in tears on a regular basis and losing sleep over the thought of going in, it’s time to move on. No job is worth your health.
With any job, it’s always good to consider the pros and the cons before doing anything drastic. But, it’s also perfectly fine to admit that something is seriously wrong. This doesn’t mean you failed. Remove that thought from your thought process. Think instead of shoes. Yes, shoes. If you try on a pair that aren’t right, you move on to the next pair. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. It just means you’re searching for the very best fit for you. And it’s no different with a job!
His Work
First published January 27, 2016
I created this blog with the working woman in mind. Whether it's a 9 to 5, or something a little less conventional, the work we put our hands to is often a huge part of who we are - giving us some of our greatest enjoyment and also some of our greatest stress. Our work has the capacity to influence our passions, and affect great change. We are all works in progress.
But at the end of the day, it's the work of someone else that really matters.
Christ laying His life down on the cross was the ultimate work of saving my soul and wrestling for my salvation and winning my heart. There is no good work I could ever do that could possibly compare. There's also no way I could ever earn what He's done for me.
Two years ago today, I was baptized.
After years of walking the fine line between in and out, sure and not really sure, I made the commitment. I freely surrendered to it. No other decision will ever hold the same weight. Maybe that's because no other person could know all there is to know, and still love without ever changing. It is the biggest, most important choice you will ever make. More so than what you do or even who you marry, this is the choice that has the potential to define the rest of your life and all of your eternity.
It is not to be taken lightly.
The words I wrote then are still true today. Whatever you think God is, He is always so much more. And then some.
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When you are baby baptized, dress is fancy, water sprinkled, action empty.
But then you grow. Heart strings stretch. Eyes shift up.
Because no one died so you could have more rules. He wants a relationship.
Clothes you wear today are of no consequence. You consider worth. Cross and cost.
His sinless soul so soaked with sin.
And that would have been enough. But He is never enough.
He seeks, and He saves, and He sets free. And then He stands firm.
Shelter.
And it's safe to stay.
So now today it's a choice and you're happy to drown in it. Because now you're all in.
Because He will forever be the only one who followed His love for you all the way to His death for you. And then came back for you.
Because when you really love someone there is no such thing as enough.
The Uncommon Life: A Call to Bravery
First published January 16, 2016
Being single in today's world, especially after a certain age, is not for the faint of heart. It takes patience to navigate the comments, the overwhelming amount of suggestions, and the laser-like focus on one piece of the puzzle that is your life. It also takes a certain brand of bravery to carve out your own unique existence, and fully experience it.
And oh, that advice.
If I want to meet someone I should change my hair, change my religion, and change my career. I should pack up all my change and spend more time at the Laundromat. (Really?) That’s a lot of change for one person. It’s not easy to stand your ground when opinions start flying.
In the last several months, I’ve been “gifted” with more advice than usual. Most of it is coming from strangers, colleagues, and mere acquaintances who don’t know I just turned 35. It’s as if they are all somehow aware of a cosmic countdown that I’m not sure I was equipped with eyes to see or ears to hear.
Read me when I write – I would love to be married. I would love to have a family. But it’s not as simple as stopping at the store on the way home like you do when you forget to pick up the eggs. And I refuse to miss out on anything because I’m focusing on one thing.
It’s kind of like the lottery. Just this week, tension mounted as the potential winnings topped a billion dollars. Who wouldn’t love to win a billion dollars? Many people bought a dozen or more tickets hoping to increase their odds at taking home the jackpot. And then they probably daydreamed and schemed about how they might spend it all.
But do you think any of them stopped everything they were doing to contemplate winning the lottery? I certainly hope not.
They left their tickets on the kitchen counter and went to work, went to school, saw their friends, and hugged their kids. Because if they put their entire lives on hold to concentrate on winning the lottery - that thing they would love to have happen, but the thing they don't have much control over happening - they would miss what’s right in front of them. They would sacrifice divine appointments and precious experiences that might not cost millions but are, in fact, priceless.
On more than one occasion, I’ve been referred to as someone’s “project” just because I’m single. A project is something that is not yet what it should be. It’s work. It’s the garage that needs cleaning, or the basement that needs remodeling. It requires an investment of time and money. Projects are projects because they are often some sort of problem. This is no way to refer to a person. I find it ironic that I am often defined by one thing that is missing, instead of all that is present and thriving.
And I have to be brave in my defense.
I lead a life that is abundant and teeming with possibility – deep and meaningful friendships, a career and causes, a home and hobbies. And yet, when someone learns that I am not married, I often hear, “Oh, I’m so sorry.”
And I have to gather up my courage before responding with grace and love.
Can we switch places for a minute? Imagine this conversation: “Hi, I just moved here. I’m getting married in a few months.”
“Wow. That’s going to be so hard. Your time won’t be your own anymore, and neither will your finances. Oh, and the in-laws. And once you start having kids, forget it. You won’t get any sleep. You’ll probably always be exhausted. I’m so sorry.”
Something doesn’t seem right about that. No one would brush aside all the joy that woman is about to experience by pointing out what might be cause for stress or tension. That’s not a project to be tackled – that’s a woman about to embark on an exciting new journey.
When I was embarking on the exciting, yet scary, journey of buying a house a friend asked me, "Don't you think you should wait until you get married?" Like that child who has reached her quota for the question, my response was, "Why?” “Why wait?” “Why can’t I do it now?” I would encourage any single person to ask the same question. Ask it over and over and in different ways. Your life is not a waiting room. Your great experiences don’t start after a particular event. They are happening right now.
When someone tells you that if you were married you would finally have an excuse to buy the dishes, take the trip, turn down the job, remind them that your life is already all the excuse you need. And it’s a darn good one.
It takes courage to sign your name –and your name only – on the deed of a house when you’re the sole bread winner. It’s courageous to say no to marrying the wrong person and yes to an unknown future. It’s bold and daring to walk into an event all alone and navigate the entire evening without someone by your side.
To those who make changing my current status their mission, I would say this: there are worse things than being single, and I am not those things. I am not mean or vindictive. I am not driven by jealousy, pride, or bitterness. I am not sick or dying. I am not unemployed and I am not homeless.
But I am hungry.
I am hungry to see the people who matter most to me thriving and successful, in life and in love. I am hungry to march into uncharted territory because being uncomfortable forces me to learn and change. I hunger to exhaust my energy on a cause that is bigger than me. There is a rumbling in my soul to make the most of the time I have leaving things better than how I found them. I’m hungry to be a light in this ever-darkening world and live my life on purpose. And I purpose to do this right now, just as I am.
You may never know how many people are inspired by watching you live fully right where you are. Don't ever underestimate that your single life might just be the encouragement someone needs; a reminder that it is possible to do, and do well.
Synonyms for the word ‘single’ include separate, solitary, isolated, and strange. But they also include unique, without equal, peerless, unrivaled, and uncommon. If I could offer any advice to those walking alone, it would be to relish in this most unrivaled opportunity. Find what ignites your passion and pursue it. Be bold in your convictions even if no one is standing next to you. Time waits for no one and neither should you. Give, laugh, learn, travel, and enjoy. Be a light.
Most of all, be brave with your one and only life!
Make Room
First published December 24, 2015
As the last month of the year comes to a close, the length of to-do lists somehow stretch out longer than before. More and more, I think we walk through every season this way. We rush from one appointment to the next. We face-time instead of making time to face each other. There is always one more thing to do that never gets done. We continue to set the bar for what needs to be accomplished higher and higher. We seek to do good work, and somehow get lost in the busyness of it, instead of the heart behind it.
And let's not forget the expectations. They get placed on us by those all around us. We place them on ourselves, too. And we carry hurt around when something or someone makes us feel like we're not enough. If we're being honest, there are no shortage of situations to make us feel like we didn't do enough, or we didn't bring enough to the table. You can fill in the blank with any adjective - smart, funny, attractive, educated - and there will come a point in time when that part of you isn't enough.
But while the world tells us to make more of ourselves, God asks us to just make room.
Jesus exchanged all the majesty of heaven for a tiny, messy manger. That should tell you what he thinks of expectations. There was no room anywhere else. This was not an ideal plan, nor would it be anyone's first choice. No one prepared the manger. No one worked hard to clean it or make it look nice - it's where the cows slept. Mary and Joseph were poor and uneducated. No 401k plan. No 10-year vision for their lives.
They had nothing but the clothes on their backs and room in their hearts.
Don't miss out on what God wants you to see: things were far from perfect, and yet He still came. He does the same for us because we are His first choice. When you're weary from the season, or when a season of weariness becomes your life, let the manger stand as a reminder that God has come for you, and not for any of the words that may describe you.
You just need to make Him room.
With God, things tend to be simpler than we allow ourselves to believe. John 6:29 tells us that the work God asks of us is this: believe in the one He sent.
That's it.
Philippians 1:6 says that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Isaiah 9:4 references the God who "shatters the yoke that burdens them."
In all these instances, it's God doing all the work, not us. We didn't reach for Him in the beginning; He came down to meet us. All the way down. Can you think of anything lower for a king than being born where the animals are kept? He was born into a mess - the mess of a manger and the mess of a broken world. When we accept Him, He dwells with us in the messiness of our individual lives. He comes alongside us to help us become who we are meant to be. Starting right where we are. And because He initiates this, He promises to stay with us and finish what He's started in us.
This is love.
If you struggle with feeling the weight of expectations this time of year, or anytime, just remember that someone must have thought the world of you to come as far as He did to be with you. He promises to never leave you, and He will always finish what He started in you. You don't need to bring anything, or be anyone. He already thinks you're enough.
All you have to do is make Him room.
The people walking in darkness have seen a great light. - Isaiah 9:2
My Best Work
First published October 1, 2015
At the end of this month, I will be celebrating a very special anniversary: six years of being a homeowner.
When I look back on moments in life I am most proud of, this one is at the top of the list. Buying a home doesn't just take a lot of hard work, but it's an emotional process as well. Putting in an offer, waiting to hear back, and often times, dealing with painful rejection when your bid isn't high enough.
I went through all of that, thankfully just once, before I found the very best place for me.
It all started with my first visit to a financial planner when I was 21 years old. Of all the good work you do ladies, whether married or single, I recommend doing this above all else. If for no other reason than to learn how to create a budget. The right advisor can teach you all sorts of cool things about money and how to make yours work in your favor.
I remember talking to mine about still living at home and how, never having rented an apartment, I always thought about what it would be like to own my own space. She agreed. And then we did the math. If I found an apartment that was $1,000 a month and I lived there for five years, what would I have at the end of that 60 months? Nothing. I would also be minus $60,000! The numbers were too much for me to compute. "Let's get you in a house," was her response.
As an aside, I highly recommend you find an advisor who not only teaches you about money, but encourages you in your dreams. She was the first person - the only person for awhile - who knew what I was thinking, and didn't laugh at me or tell me I was crazy. She simply laid out a plan to help me get there.
And then I started saving.
And I saved. And I saved. And I saved.
In seven years, I managed to save enough for a down payment and some furniture. This was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It's not easy to watch friends buy cars, and clothes, and trips. But I had my sights set on something bigger. Something that would last longer. Also, I didn't want to go into debt over things I didn't really need.
You've probably heard the saying, "don't give up what you want most for what you want now" and I lived by this motto for years. Seven years to be exact. Sometimes, it seemed like the day would never come when I would see the fruits of my labor, but the day did come and I'm so glad I was ready for it.
Here are a few things buying a home taught me:
* Self-discipline - I had to weigh every purchase very carefully. If it meant removing money from my 'house savings' account, it had better be for a worthy purchase. If not, I wasn't going to consider it.
* Looking ahead - The problem with many people today is that they have no concept of the future. It will be here someday, so do yourself a favor and prepare now. Planning, searching, and saving for my home taught me how to think about the long-term and not just be in the moment - at least not all the time. It's a good to have a plan.
* Be smart - Just because a bank says they can loan you THIS MUCH money because you have such awesome credit, doesn't mean you can afford THAT MUCH house. Be smart about what your finances look like and how much mortgage you are actually comfortable investing in. Remember, unlike renting, it's a lot harder to walk away. But it is worth it.
Mostly, it taught me that big dreams are possible, and it's a regular reminder that I can do more than I think I'm capable of. I love where I live. I love it because I sacrificed and invested to get here. I love making it my own and adding my personal touches. Every picture and pillow reflects an emotion or a memory. And that just makes my heart swell.
And at the end of the hardest day I've ever had, I came home. I turned the key and opened the door. I looked around and thought - you did this.
And that's a beautiful feeling.
The Liebster Award
First published September 2, 2015
I launched my blog this past Sunday. Today (Tuesday), I was nominated for the Liebster Award!
The Liebster Award is given to new bloggers, usually those with less than 200 followers, by other bloggers as a way to support one another as we grow our blogs.
I want to thank Mandie Wickham for nominating me. Definitely check out The Yellow Dog and Pink Pig. She's got a little something for everyone!
While it may seem like this all came together quickly, it's been a very long time in the making, as most good work is. A career choice I made a few years ago left me feeling disillusioned and not quite sure of myself. At a conference I recently attended I stumbled upon this obscure little sign tucked away in a corner near registration. It read, "All my yesterdays gave me today."
I instantly thought of Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Yes, you have been called and yes, you have a purpose.
It might take a long time and it might mean walking through some difficult circumstances, but then - usually suddenly and all at once - things will begin to fall into place and start to make sense again. It can sometimes take years of yesterdays until you reach your today. I may still be brand new at this, and nothing may ever come of it, but just starting this blog was the culmination of a lot of yesterdays for me.
Moving on to my nomination, these are the questions Mandie asked me to answer:
1. What is the name of your blog and what is it’s significance? - My blog is called Good Work. When you think about the number of hours in a day, most of them are spent at work. I want this to be a place women feel comfortable talking about their professional lives, while I also share my experiences and stories. I also wanted to create a space that allows us all to share our passions and our successes - it's great to love what you do!
2. What would be the title of your autobiography? - Great question! You have me stumped. When I write it, I'll let you know. :-)
3. What is one thing you cannot live without? - Water! I usually aim for 8-10 glasses a day. It's an absolute must to keep me running on all cylinders.
4. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Your blog? - I hope I continue to have opportunities to do good work - both full-time in my career, as well as volunteering. My passion is public relations, but it feels so much better when I'm using it to help people. I would also love to have a family. As for my blog, I would like to see how the first month goes (haha). Obviously, it would be wonderful if it grew, although I don't think I could make it my full-time job. I need to be in an office with people.
5. What movie star would you want to cast as yourself? - Probably either Cameron Diaz or Reese Witherspoon. I love their spunkiness and they both have a great sense of humor.
While I want to encourage all you new bloggers to keep pursuing your passion, there are a few I want to nominate for this award. They are:
Abby - Get Out Dear
Stephanie - Sense of Sunny
Chrissa - Physical Kitchness
Ladies, here are some questions I have for you:
What made you want to start your blog?
What has given you the most sense of accomplishment and why?
What is one thing you love to do in your down time?
If you could give advice to someone who is about to start a blog, what would it be?
If your best friend had to pick one word to describe you, what would it be?
Each of these ladies inspired me differently as I explored their blogs, and I encourage you to visit their sites and leave them some love for all the good work they're doing!
Abby, Stephanie, and Chrissa - there are a few guidelines if you would like to nominate someone:
Post your nomination to your blog.
Answer the questions asked by the person who nominated you.
Nominate a small group of other new bloggers.
Ask them several questions.
Don't forget to give a shout out to the person who nominated you.
Thanks again to Mandie for your nomination! I'm excited about this new adventure and seeing where it may lead!