International Women’s Day
Someone else gets the raise.
Someone else gets the title.
Someone else gets a seat at the table.
I wasn’t overlooked. I stepped out of the way.
And it’s been a year since I said I didn’t want to be considered for the promotion.
I used to have a lot of trouble making these kind of bigger decisions. From a young age I believed that my worth was tied to how much and how well I produced. If I wasn’t hustling, I didn’t count.
As a result, I often said “yes” to things not meant for me because I thought it was what I “should” do. I was so worried about letting other people down that I never stopped to ask if I was letting myself down.
Now when faced with a decision, I ask myself two questions:
📌 Does this honor the life I’m trying to create? (life, not lifestyle)
📌 Will this cost me my peace?
When you answer these questions honestly, the situation quickly comes into focus, and you can stop second guessing yourself.
Money and an updated LinkedIn profile can be gratifying, but not more so than thriving health - physical and mental.
And it doesn’t matter how much it might make sense to someone else, or how much you are the obvious choice.
So here’s to buying back your freedom. Here’s to not being the boss.
Here’s to looking opportunity in the eye and saying, “Thanks, but no thanks. I have given enough.”
Rest as a Rule
Cancer forced me into rest with an immediacy and a totality I had never experienced before.
More than just giving myself a break, it was a breaking. An all-systems shutdown. And I believe it was for more than just that season.
I’ve learned to experience rest as a rule, rather than the exception.
It’s not laziness or apathy, and it’s not a disregard for purpose, but a knowing where control really lies - it’s not with me.
I don’t have all the answers and I’m not supposed to. I can’t do everything, and I shouldn’t try to. I was never created to carry the weight of the world, or the weight of others’ expectations, on my shoulders. I’m not here to keep up with anyone else.
What today’s culture says I should be obsessed with obtaining usually tastes like empty calories for my soul: good going down, but no lasting nourishment.
God sees every major turn of events long before the calendar turns a page. He is not sidelined or shipwrecked by the surprises of life, or by my fear of them, and since I’m carried by Him, neither am I.
I can rest because He never does.
He leads with a gentleness and a kindness not otherwise known, but so often we run ahead to manifest solutions He already has - if we would just still ourselves long enough to listen.
So before we rush into the year like all our dreams and aspirations have caught on fire, let’s not forget the simple rhythms of rest He’s trying to teach us.
He already provided the way. All we have to do is walk in it.
Jeremiah 6:16
Cancer Days
It’s been a rough couple cancer days.
These are days marked by overwhelming emotions surrounding my diagnosis that I thought I had moved past.
Sometimes they are triggered by a pending anniversary (like the day I was diagnosed), but most often they sneak up in unexpected ways.
Either way, I am rendered useless.
Holding space for these days can be hard, especially in a world constantly preaching that ignoring feelings = strength.
It’s vital to acknowledge these days and take steps to work through them, instead of pretending you’re fine when you’re not.
It might look like this:
❤️🩹 Taking breaks throughout the day
❤️🩹 Cancelling commitments
❤️🩹 Treating yourself (pictured @bluebirdhomedecor)
❤️🩹 Fasting social media
❤️🩹 Journaling (this post counts)
❤️🩹 Reading scripture (Ephesians 1, Psalm 139)
Many times, taking care of yourself will look like disappointing some people #ohwell.
Courage isn’t always showing up for battle. Sometimes, courage is recognizing that you can’t. But you’ll try again tomorrow.
A special thank you to @ohyouresotough @msmindymiller and @natashaaftercancer for being such lights in this community.