Just Say No
First published April 2, 2016
“Well I think you should do it like this, because then it will look like that and everyone will love it.”
“I think I’m going to stick with the way I originally planned it because that’s how I told them it would be and I’ve already made all the arrangements for it. But thanks for the idea.”
Whoosh.
Did you hear that? That’s the sound the word ‘no’ makes. That’s the sound of extra work you don’t need being wiped off your desk. It’s the sound of built up resentment from saying yes to something you don’t want passing you by.
There is power in saying ‘no’.
For a long time, I couldn’t say it. I feared upsetting coworkers. I thought it made me seem like I’m not a team player. Mostly, I just feared the fallout. It was easier to go with the flow. Saying ‘no’ would mean rocking the boat, and I didn’t want to deal with what came next – being challenged.
The truth is, while those are rational concerns, none of them result in a happier work environment, or a more productive me.
I’m not talking about a co-worker who occasionally offers a suggestion here or there in an effort to help you shine brighter, or assist in a better outcome for the team or company. If you are saying ‘no’ to this person all the time, maybe it’s time to take a step back and consider if a team environment is really right for you.
No, I’m talking about the controlling colleague who tells you how you should do *everything* differently. The one who wants the credit for the job you were hired to do. This is the co-worker who steps in when your plans are near completion and wants them all to look how he or she envisions, completely disregarding what you’ve accomplished up to that point. Did I mention it’s your job?
When you don’t want to seem argumentative, saying ‘no’ can be a totally foreign concept, but here are a few tips I have put into practice:
Listen to the whole proposition. Even if you think it’s crazy. Even if you know half way through it makes no sense, hear the person out. Some people need a captive audience, and when you take the time to genuinely listen to what they have to say, it sets the stage for peaceful communication.
Frame your response carefully. ‘No’ is a small, but powerful word that has the ability to sound like a slamming door in your face. It’s how you wrap it that matters. Frame your ‘no’ with all the positive reasons you are doing this particular task in the awesome way you are. The more reasons you can think of, the better.
End with gratitude. It could be the dumbest idea you’ve ever heard of. It could mean throwing away everything you spent months working on, and starting from scratch. It might cost more money and have a less fruitful outcome. You’re probably not going to be grateful for the idea. That’s ok. Say thank you anyway. Ending your nicely wrapped ‘no’ graciously is like the bow on a present. It just gives it a little something extra. No matter how annoying the person is, or how controlling they act, saying thank you will make them feel like they matter. It also helps diffuse any anger on their part at not having their idea come to life. A ‘thank you’ goes a long way.
Using ‘no’ in the work place, with all the politics, and office dynamics, and outrageous personalities can definitely take some time and practice to master. But remember, with every ‘no’ you are saying ‘yes’ to something else – yes to less work, yes to less stress, yes to seeing your ideas through. Think of it as the present you give yourself, because after all, you were hired to do this job. You are strong and capable. And there is power in your ‘no’.
My Best Work
First published October 1, 2015
At the end of this month, I will be celebrating a very special anniversary: six years of being a homeowner.
When I look back on moments in life I am most proud of, this one is at the top of the list. Buying a home doesn't just take a lot of hard work, but it's an emotional process as well. Putting in an offer, waiting to hear back, and often times, dealing with painful rejection when your bid isn't high enough.
I went through all of that, thankfully just once, before I found the very best place for me.
It all started with my first visit to a financial planner when I was 21 years old. Of all the good work you do ladies, whether married or single, I recommend doing this above all else. If for no other reason than to learn how to create a budget. The right advisor can teach you all sorts of cool things about money and how to make yours work in your favor.
I remember talking to mine about still living at home and how, never having rented an apartment, I always thought about what it would be like to own my own space. She agreed. And then we did the math. If I found an apartment that was $1,000 a month and I lived there for five years, what would I have at the end of that 60 months? Nothing. I would also be minus $60,000! The numbers were too much for me to compute. "Let's get you in a house," was her response.
As an aside, I highly recommend you find an advisor who not only teaches you about money, but encourages you in your dreams. She was the first person - the only person for awhile - who knew what I was thinking, and didn't laugh at me or tell me I was crazy. She simply laid out a plan to help me get there.
And then I started saving.
And I saved. And I saved. And I saved.
In seven years, I managed to save enough for a down payment and some furniture. This was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It's not easy to watch friends buy cars, and clothes, and trips. But I had my sights set on something bigger. Something that would last longer. Also, I didn't want to go into debt over things I didn't really need.
You've probably heard the saying, "don't give up what you want most for what you want now" and I lived by this motto for years. Seven years to be exact. Sometimes, it seemed like the day would never come when I would see the fruits of my labor, but the day did come and I'm so glad I was ready for it.
Here are a few things buying a home taught me:
* Self-discipline - I had to weigh every purchase very carefully. If it meant removing money from my 'house savings' account, it had better be for a worthy purchase. If not, I wasn't going to consider it.
* Looking ahead - The problem with many people today is that they have no concept of the future. It will be here someday, so do yourself a favor and prepare now. Planning, searching, and saving for my home taught me how to think about the long-term and not just be in the moment - at least not all the time. It's a good to have a plan.
* Be smart - Just because a bank says they can loan you THIS MUCH money because you have such awesome credit, doesn't mean you can afford THAT MUCH house. Be smart about what your finances look like and how much mortgage you are actually comfortable investing in. Remember, unlike renting, it's a lot harder to walk away. But it is worth it.
Mostly, it taught me that big dreams are possible, and it's a regular reminder that I can do more than I think I'm capable of. I love where I live. I love it because I sacrificed and invested to get here. I love making it my own and adding my personal touches. Every picture and pillow reflects an emotion or a memory. And that just makes my heart swell.
And at the end of the hardest day I've ever had, I came home. I turned the key and opened the door. I looked around and thought - you did this.
And that's a beautiful feeling.
