Keep Not Settling

First published February 13, 2017

When you are single, everyone likes to give you advice.

I should change my hair, change my religion, change my career. I should pack up all my change and spend more time at the Laundromat. (That's my favorite). It's also an awful lot of rearranging.

And if it's not advice, it's 'I'm sorry' - as in 'I feel so sorry for you because you're still single'. And that raises a few questions. Do you think those words make me feel good? Do you think because something hasn't happened yet that it never will? At the end of my life, will I be more proud of my marital status, or that I ran the race well?

The God who created the universe laid down the blueprints of my life *before* the foundation of time. Pretty important stuff. And when it's over, the two of us will look back together at what I built, husband or no husband.

Will have I made the tough choices, trusting the architect knows best? Will I have shown others the love he has shown me? I won't be satisfied until he knows I can be counted on to help those around me see their worth through his eyes - because look at the value he's *already* placed on me.

Sometimes, the pity and advice are combined, as in 'It's okay to hope, but don't hope too much, ya know, just in case...'

Just a couple months ago, I was staring down three job offers in one week, and found myself walking away from a job I had been praying and hoping for - for years - because after I let God do what he does best, it was no longer good enough for me. I would have loved for the answer to come sooner, but when I look at where I am now, and I see all the details that were worked out before I arrived on the scene, I understand the reason for the wait.

And this was just a job. How much more carefully do you think he takes care of our hearts?

Here's the thing - that God, the one holding the blueprints, and the universe, and the foundation of time - you either believe he can do anything or you don't. When it comes to us and the love he has for us, there are no categories for our dreams as if we should expect some not to happen because they are too hard for him.

If he loves us enough to sacrifice his only son, then all bets are off. I would never pity someone who was loved that much.

By design, in life and in love, the grand scheme doesn't leave a lot of room for sorry.

P.S. You can keep the change.

 

My Cup Runneth Over

First published June 1, 2016

I’ve been hearing it a lot lately. People who are blessed and the reasons why.

They got the promotion, so they’re blessed. They closed on the house, so they’re blessed. They met the man of their dreams, so now they’re beyond blessed.

Recently a friend told me his life had turned out exactly as he imagined it would. He had everything he ever wanted. He was so blessed.

How then should we feel if our lives haven’t turned out exactly as we imagined? What should our heart response be when we don’t seem to be beyond blessed or even a little blessed?

A blessing is defined as a special favor, mercy, or benefit. The word blessed is described as consecrated, sacred, holy, and sanctified, worthy of adoration, reverence, or worship.

While it’s true that we always have something to be grateful for, I think blessing came to us long before we got everything we never knew we always wanted.

Being blessed is never tied to something or someone we’re hoping for. I think we need to stop waiting for answered prayers and start seeing ourselves as already blessed. Because we are.

I recently spent some time in the book of Romans. Five days to be exact. It’s only 10 paragraphs long, but I found myself pausing many times along the way when I realized where my blessings have been all along and why it’s ok when things on the surface of my life don’t appear blessed.

When I Don’t Fit In

It’s hard to feel blessed when you’re different. My work looks different. My family looks different. My life looks very different. Different isn’t a bad thing, but it’s very easy to be overlooked and excluded when what you bring to the table is worlds away from what others think it should be. Romans talks about the Holy Spirit bringing us our adoption and testifying that we are God’s children. This makes us co-heirs with Christ. We’re not just accepted and ushered in the back door. We’re given a seat at the head table. We are deeply valued by the One who created the universe. It's not about what I bring to the table. I am loved by the person who built the table!

When I Don’t Know What to Say

Sometimes I don’t have the words. When I’m talking to God, I want him to take me seriously. I want him to know I mean business and that I won’t go down without a fight. But sometimes, I have no fight left. When I don’t know what to say, even to God, I feel like a failure. And that doesn’t make me feel blessed. Romans tells us that when we don’t even have words to say, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with wordless groans. I have someone approaching God on my behalf for everything I need. And he doesn’t even need words.

When I Don’t Know How it Will Work Out

The last few years have been confusing to say the least. I don’t have a clear sense of what I’m doing or where I’m headed – in so many areas of my life. When I can’t see the path in front of me and there is no real sense of order in my life, I don’t feel blessed, I feel like a mess. Romans talks about God working all things together for the good of those who love him. But there’s more. (I love when there’s more). It’s also those who have been called according to his purpose. Those he foreknew, he also predestined. This means we have all been called for a reason. There are no accidents with God. To have the foreknowledge to predestine someone for a purpose takes a lot of care. This was well thought out. Which means you were well thought out.

When I Don’t Feel Loved

Having someone to go through life with is one of life’s greatest joys. But when you travel on this journey alone, it can leave you feeling unwanted and unloved. Life without love doesn’t feel very blessed. Like any great love story, Romans ends with a love that conquers all. It reminds us that when God was considering the cost of making us his, he didn’t even think to spare his own son. Nothing and no one was too high a price. Christ Jesus died for us, but more than that (I love when there’s more), was raised to life. He did more than pay our ransom. He went a step further and came back to be with us so we wouldn’t be alone. So we wouldn’t just have a story about something nice someone we’ve never met did once to save us. We would have him.

Who can separate us from a love like that? We’ve been adopted and included. We have someone to speak on our behalf when we don’t know what to say. We were well thought out and predestined for a purpose. Most of all we are loved. Beyond a shadow of a doubt or the seal on a grave. We are loved not by someone who fought an army, but by someone who defeated death itself. After all of this, is there anything that can stop him from fitting all the jagged-edged pieces of my life together? Am I not already blessed?

Nothing in my life so far has turned out like I thought it would. Not. One. Thing. But I carry with me always the ultimate blessing.

My cup runneth over.

The Promise of a Silhouette in the Distance

First published October 14, 2015

I was thinking about Christopher Columbus this week. And not just because I had to work while everyone else got the day off.

I heard a radio personality mention how excited Columbus must have been when he finally found land.

How excited indeed.

It got me wondering about the entire journey and led me to do some research. It's easy to celebrate an end result without giving a second thought to how it came to be.

I discovered that Columbus proposed his voyage seven years before he actually went. He presented his plans of three sturdy, fully-equipped vessels to King John II of Portugal in 1485. The king submitted the proposal to his experts who rejected it after several years. I have difficulty waiting several months or even minutes to hear back about something I proposed.

I can't imagine the frustration of waiting years, and then hearing "no". But something made him try again.

In 1488, he traveled from Portugal to Spain to convince the Catholic monarchs there to finance the expedition. Great idea. If you can't get an answer out of one person, go ask another. Except, he wasn't granted an audience with King Ferdinand II and Queen Isabella I of Castile until 1489.

Another year. Gone.

Again he presented his plans. The Queen referred them to a committee (another committee!) who decided the idea was impractical, and advised the monarchs not to support it. I most definitely would have walked away at this point.

When decisions are left to committees, they often don't get decided. And still, something kept him going.

The next part of this chapter made me laugh. History tells us that Columbus continually nagged and begged asking the monarchs to support his plan at the royal court and endured two years of negotiations, before finally getting them to agree to fund his journey. The year was 1492.

I remember my mortgage negotiations and those only lasted a matter of weeks, at most. To wrestle over the details for 730 days had to have been agony. By now I'm sure he was shouting to anyone who would listen, "Just let me go!"

At 8:00 in the morning on August 3, 1492, Columbus departed from Castilian Palos de la Frontera with the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria.

It must have felt so good to finally be on his way with all that open water in front of him. Sometimes, the process to start something takes so long that we think what comes after will come easily. And then it doesn't.

Three days into the journey, Pinta's rudder broke. If you're not familiar with ships, this is the part that keeps them level and steady. It's the balance. It prevents them from toppling over into the sea. No rudder, no ship. The crew was able to secure it with ropes until they reached a nearby island and could repair it. Crisis averted.

As Columbus was gathering provisions during this stop, he received word that three Portuguese ships were hovering around a nearby island with the intent of capturing him. I can't think of anything that would make me want to turn and run (or sail) in the other direction more than being captured, kidnapped, or carried away!

But he continued the next morning without incident. A few weeks later, barely one month into the voyage, Columbus realized his compass no longer pointed North. Didn't we just get the rudder fixed? Didn't we just escape imprisonment? Now, we have no direction.

When I am in unfamiliar territory, I rely heavily on my GPS to get me where I need to be. I'm lost without it. Literally lost, driving in circles, going up and down the same roads twice. That's the thing about the ocean - there are no street signs, no houses or stores, no way to know if you've been where you just were.

I would have really wanted to quit. Allegedly, the crew thought the same way, because at this point they threatened to sail back to Spain. But Columbus had quite the reputation as an astronomer and his skills gradually put them at ease.

As bad as being lost with no direction would have been, it's the living conditions on the ship that would have finished me for sure. This was worse than camping. And I don't camp.

Crew worked in four-hour shifts pumping bilge, clearing the deck, working the sails, and checking the ropes and cargo. When they were off duty, they slept where ever they could find a space. Columbus himself often spent days without sleep. Many sailors died from disease, hunger, and thirst. There was one hot meal a day.

Religion was the central focus of their lives - they began every day with prayers and hymns and ended with services at night.

One of the best parts of the story is that Columbus believed incorrect arguments that the Earth actually had a much smaller diameter, meaning his journey was longer than he realized. No ship in the 15th century could carry enough food and fresh water for such a journey.

Isn't it so good that we have a tendency to miscalculate? I wonder how often we just wouldn't start if we knew how long the journey was going to be.

So here he was.

Seven years of wrestling with the powers-that-be who told him he was crazy. Years of waiting. Years of negotiating. Finally getting to go. And then those travel conditions. Not enough food. Not enough water. Not nearly enough sleep and few places to even lay his head. Sickness and death all around him. An attempt on his life. A rudder that can't balance, but what difference does it make since the compass doesn't point North anyway?

Nothing but the ship's blank canvass and his prayers.

On October 10 the crew lost all patience. They were done, and they told Columbus as much. So often when you can't take another step, or sail one more mile, you need to pick up your feet or redirect your sail and keep going. When you've got nothing left, dig a little deeper, and keep going.

At 2:00 a.m. on October 12, 1492 - two days later - one of them spotted a silhouette off in the distance.

They hadn't arrived yet. They weren't suddenly made well. They didn't instantly have their stomachs filled with food and water. This is the big-smile part of the story because the silhouette meant there was hope. It's the somewhat blurred vision that means what had been hoped for is coming. It's possible.

Now, I'm not looking to discover a whole new world. Many of my immediate requests and desires are far less impacting than that. But I have spent time waiting and wrestling - waiting on God and wrestling with Him. I've spent nights not sleeping feeling like my balance is off and I have no direction. But my story isn't over yet.

Sometimes it seems like you will never find the things you know are out there. You mistake the fog and the darkness to mean you're a million miles from where you want to be. But you're not. If you give up in the middle, you'll never know. If you fail to start, you'll really never know. You will miss what's just up ahead. It's closer than you think. Often we are provided with a glimpse to give us just enough hope to hold on until the promise is within our grasp. Rest assured, morning is coming.

How happy Columbus must have been when he finally stepped off that ship.

 

My Best Work

First published October 1, 2015

At the end of this month, I will be celebrating a very special anniversary: six years of being a homeowner.

When I look back on moments in life I am most proud of, this one is at the top of the list. Buying a home doesn't just take a lot of hard work, but it's an emotional process as well. Putting in an offer, waiting to hear back, and often times, dealing with painful rejection when your bid isn't high enough.

I went through all of that, thankfully just once, before I found the very best place for me.

It all started with my first visit to a financial planner when I was 21 years old. Of all the good work you do ladies, whether married or single, I recommend doing this above all else. If for no other reason than to learn how to create a budget. The right advisor can teach you all sorts of cool things about money and how to make yours work in your favor.

I remember talking to mine about still living at home and how, never having rented an apartment, I always thought about what it would be like to own my own space. She agreed. And then we did the math. If I found an apartment that was $1,000 a month and I lived there for five years, what would I have at the end of that 60 months? Nothing. I would also be minus $60,000! The numbers were too much for me to compute. "Let's get you in a house," was her response.

As an aside, I highly recommend you find an advisor who not only teaches you about money, but encourages you in your dreams. She was the first person - the only person for awhile - who knew what I was thinking, and didn't laugh at me or tell me I was crazy. She simply laid out a plan to help me get there.

And then I started saving.

And I saved. And I saved. And I saved.

In seven years, I managed to save enough for a down payment and some furniture. This was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It's not easy to watch friends buy cars, and clothes, and trips. But I had my sights set on something bigger. Something that would last longer. Also, I didn't want to go into debt over things I didn't really need.

You've probably heard the saying, "don't give up what you want most for what you want now" and I lived by this motto for years. Seven years to be exact. Sometimes, it seemed like the day would never come when I would see the fruits of my labor, but the day did come and I'm so glad I was ready for it.

Here are a few things buying a home taught me:

* Self-discipline -  I had to weigh every purchase very carefully. If it meant removing money from my 'house savings' account, it had better be for a worthy purchase. If not, I wasn't going to consider it.

* Looking ahead - The problem with many people today is that they have no concept of the future. It will be here someday, so do yourself a favor and prepare now. Planning, searching, and saving for my home taught me how to think about the long-term and not just be in the moment - at least not all the time. It's a good to have a plan.

* Be smart - Just because a bank says they can loan you THIS MUCH money because you have such awesome credit, doesn't mean you can afford THAT MUCH house. Be smart about what your finances look like and how much mortgage you are actually comfortable investing in. Remember, unlike renting, it's a lot harder to walk away. But it is worth it.

Mostly, it taught me that big dreams are possible, and it's a regular reminder that I can do more than I think I'm capable of. I love where I live. I love it because I sacrificed and invested to get here. I love making it my own and adding my personal touches. Every picture and pillow reflects an emotion or a memory. And that just makes my heart swell.

And at the end of the hardest day I've ever had, I came home. I turned the key and opened the door. I looked around and thought - you did this.

And that's a beautiful feeling.

Forget the Past

First published August 17, 2015

The other night I couldn’t sleep. Thoughts kept running through my mind about my job. I took a chance on something I thought would be an amazing opportunity and it ended up being so far from amazing.

If only…

My thoughts keep me awake. I feel restless and anxious. I toss and turn and watch the minutes go by - robbed of my sleep and robbed of my peace.

Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes we miss a deadline. We speak when we should stay quiet. We slack off when we should stay late. Sometimes the mistake affects us on a larger scale. Our title changes, our finances change, and when this happens our life can drastically change. The key is to not let one mistake (even a big one) keep us awake at night.

When I realized the thoughts weren’t going away on their own, I did something we should all do when the night lacks sleep and peace. I quieted myself before God, and I opened His word. If you don’t have the Bible app on your phone, I highly recommend it. Not only does it offer numerous devotionals and studies, but it has this awesome bookmark feature that allows you to save your favorite verses and refer back to them any time.

God showed me a verse I saved months ago in Isaiah (43:18-19)… ‘Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.’

How can I forget about what’s happened? What if it’s more than not receiving credit for a project, or being passed over for a promotion? Can I really leave that situation in the past when I’m still living in its aftermath?

Look at Isaiah 43:16-17. It asks us to hear what God has to say, but first it describes the God we are to listen to: ‘This is what God says, the God who builds a road right through the ocean, who carves a path through pounding waves…’

It’s no accident this description was included. It doesn’t describe God as pointing us to a road leading out of the ocean. It doesn’t say he showed us a path through the waves. No, our God builds and carves.

He creates something out of nothing.

Maybe you’ve made a huge mess out of your career. Maybe it’s not what you thought, and you’re miles away from where you want to be. It was one mistake. It’s one detour. Forget the past – don’t keep going over it and over it in your mind. Any wrong you’ve done can’t cancel out the right He is doing. Remember, God can make something out of nothing, including your career.